Yes, the newly revised, re-covered, and reclaimed Uncle Devlin’s Bedtime Stories is now available on Amazon(click to go to the book’s page).
As I mentioned before, this is the full book as I intended it to be, including all 12 stories as well as brief introductions to each one.
Publishing this book has been a most eventful undertaking, and by ‘eventful’ I mean fraught with aggravation and one teeth-grinding moment after another.
Fortunately, I have friends who come through when I really, really need them.
You guys remember a couple of weeks ago when the blite was about to crash and burn from that silly world clock program going haywire, and I was off drunk at a casino, and Arianna stepped up to do the most incredible job of pulling my fat out of the fire I have ever seen. I still can’t thank her enough for that.
Well this one is on a par with that, fat out of the fire wise.
You already know that Loki Renard, in addition to being a wonderful and prolific erotic fiction writer, is a dab hand at cover design, because I told you so, and I still kind of sigh every time I look at what she did with this cover.
But what you don’t know, because I didn’t tell you yet, is that she also knows her way around computer programs, and, most importantly in this case, works on a PC! There’s that ‘fortunately’ bit again.
Because, oh most dearly beloved, even though I have uploaded and published three other books to Kindle in the past couple of years without any problem at all, the Kindle people in their wisdom decided it was just too easy for Mac users to do that, so they changed their system and now in order to upload a book to Kindle we have to use KindleGen, a program specifically written for Macintosh users, but which does not work with Macintosh computers unless one goes through a lengthy, aggravating, and heartbreakingly painful process that ultimately DOES NOT WORK ANYWAY.
I am not alone in this experience. There is a long give and take on Kindle’s own site amongst frustrated Mac users. Apparently one of us was lucky, and made the stupid KindleGen program work, so he thought he could tell everyone else how to do it, but of course he couldn’t. Then there was the reference to the guy on a different site who figured it out, and even said “all you have to do is” at one point, and his solution didn’t work either. If someone kills that man, any jury in the world would return a verdict of justifiable homicide, just for using that damnable phrase whilst giving advice.
Apparently this new Kindle manuscript uploading process is not at all a problem for PC users, who don’t have to even deal with KindleGen. They have to deal with some other program, Moby Grape or something like that, but it works quite well and very easily, because obviously the Kindle people are PC people and consider Mac users to lie somewhere beneath pond scum on the evolutionary ladder. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
So I was wondering if my only choice then was to go and buy a PC in order to upload this manuscript and get it published on Kindle.
Then, somewhere in the back of my mind, I detected the faint strains of The William Tell Overture.
And yes, sure enough, there was Loki Renard again, to the rescue. She said to save the file to HTML and send it to her.
Of course Word for Mac, which is what I use to write books, won’t save in HTML, only HTM, so first she had to convert the HTM file I sent her to HTML, which lost all my formatting and italics. Then she sent me the file in HTML, and I spent most of Thanksgiving day re-re-editing everything in it, and then sending it back to Loki so she could do the final step and save it in .prc or .prg or .pdq or whatever it is that KindleGen is supposed to convert the file to so it can (at last!) become a real boy.
Er, a real Kindle book, I mean, and the book is now published!
You knew this would all come right in the end, didn’t you?
So I’ll say it again - Uncle Devlin’s Bedtime Stories, the author’s full and revised edition in Kindle is now ready to go, with a spiffy cover, designed by Loki, featuring the adorable Pixie.
And thanks again to Pixie, and to Loki, and to Arianna, for being there when I needed them.
Now go buy my book. And buy one of Loki’s too while you’re at it. Loki’s Site
Dev, good afternoon.
Great to see you back.
I’ll second Mindy’s sentiments, except I won’t blame you if I stay up too late, ’cause I’m a sucker for a good spanking story.
Now I’m off to Amazon also.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Gosh, all that trouble to get a book published. I have a PC, now all I have to do is write a book. Sorry, I am not making fun of you, I think if you had a PC you may still had trouble. Nothing ever works the way it says when I get a new program. I have some that I flat out gave up on. Of course maybe if I had a Mac??
So happy you had friends in the right places to help you out. I look forward to the new book. But like Mindy if I get in trouble for not getting anything done around the house it will be your fault.
Thank you, Kaki, and I didn’t think you were. I should write a post called All You Have To Do Isn’t. And it is lovely to have friends in all sorts of places.
Thanks very much, Scarlet. Try Loki’s Finn the Devourer. Yum. Uh, I mean, it’s a good read. And I’m not sure who made up that rule, but it seems to be fairly universal, drat it anyway.
Well done, Dev, and all your helpers. i am slightly in awe of people who can do amazing things with computers. i have emailed Mindy for some technical expertise, so that I can download this, so I hope it is available in the UK.
I am a little shocked at Mindy and Kaki saying that they will stay up late and not do the housework while they read it. I of course would never do that.
I felt the same way, Alice. You and I are so good that naturally we can’t understand their behavior. I guess that’s why Charley has to use two paddles. I wonder where all this naughtiness will end.
Kaki! Apart from anything else, that paddle has dyes in it that are not good for dogs. The very idea! And no wonder you have another appointment with Dr. Rose Paddle today!
Thanks, Pygmalion. One might almost say, groovy.
Scarlet and Alice I know you two better than that.
Rike, hi! In fact, I think if you wait a day or two, the book should show up on Amazon Germany. Now THAT’S cool. And thanks very much.
Mindy, I see you have settled down a little, but you’re still stirring the pot a bit, aren’t you, young lady? :waits:
Dev, £5-11 is vat inclusive
I love Kindle; I bought yours and one of Loki’s, clicked on buy, and before you could say Jack Robinson, they were there, isn’t technology wonderful.
Warm
Paul.
Dev, sorry, I didn’t think about any dyes. Do you have any other ideas on how to accidently break it? I am sure you have had girls cause minor damage to a paddle or two.
I was going to say the same thing. I am no longer using my ipod and going to put the new book on my Droid phone. Charley has my old ipod. Yikes! Dev’s books are on there. I don’t need him getting any ideas.
Are you sure, Scarlet? Don’t mean to scare you, but I thought your past purchases/orders are shown on your Amazon account? You can delete your browsing history but not your order history.
Mindy, I must say you have been helpful today – until you said ‘VAT is the equivalent to GST.’ That made me laugh. Americans just call it sales tax.
Paul, technology really is wonderful when it works. And as much as I gripe, it usually does for me. Maybe that makes it worse when it doesn’t. Anyway, thanks again for your patronage, and for letting me know that VAT is included in the price of my books over there.
Thanks, Dev, my next question was going to be, “vat is GST?”
Mindy, he has my old ipod at work. OH! my, I just thought, I wonder if anyone has asked to see it? And thanks, I will try and do those things you said.
Mindy, I’ve tried to delete my browsing history but it still recommends naughty books.
Scarlet, I think it is time to have the kids get their own Amazon account and change your password or set up a separate one for them. I really do hate that they show what you ordered before.
Kaki, it’s still recommending naughty books because it remembers your past orders. To prevent these naughty recommendations, you need to unassociate these orders from your recommendations. Go to ‘Personalisation’ in ‘Your Account’ and click on’Improve Your Recommendations’. This brings you to a page listing the items you’ve purchased before. On the right of each item, check the box ‘Don’t use for recommendations’.
No, he said that the introductions I wrote ‘watered down’ the stories – his terminology. He did delete 4 of the stories, which really waters down the book I think. Or erodes it, anyway.
Kaki, the omitted ones are, or were, ‘The Company Van,’ “Goldilocks and the Three Behrs,’ ‘Duet for Solo Baritone,’ and ‘Is There a Cyber Brat in the House?’
I cannot understand why the publisher removed those four stories. They fit the themes and compliment the other stories so well. I loved ‘Goldilocks and the Three Behrs’ – what a cute and endearing fairy tale. It reminds me of your parodies like ‘A Fractured Fairytale’, ‘Perry Squatter’, ‘Spankleberry Finn’, etc.
I really like this revised edition – a enthralling read even though I’ve read a number of the stories before. Very well written. I can’t agree more with the review that Loki wrote.
Please don’t stop writing, Dev. Care to start on another novel?
Thanks very, very much, Mindy. The publisher wasn’t concerned about thematic consistency or even quality of writing as much as word count, so those four had to go, along with the introductions, and the theme divisions, which of course would have made little sense without all the stories in them. Anyway I’m delighted you enjoyed the book as it was meant to be.
Hi, Ronnie! I really appreciate your saying so, and very happy you liked it.
I don’t have any children, but I do occasionally open up Amazon at work and then have to immediately shut it before my office-mate notices the sorts of books it is recommending :(
I thought there was a way to tell it not to recommend books based on a particular purchase, but it doesn’t seem to have taken. Hmph.
Congratulations on the book being out, Dev, and thank goodness for the cyber angels who helped you in your hour of need. Although I can just see a Top’s response to “well Sweetie, the blite crashed while I was a wee bit tipsy at a casino…”! Have just downloaded the stories, so bed time reading sorted
Incidentally VAT, as Mindy, said is sales tax, not a barrel of wine It is an acronym for Value Added Tax, although I have yet to see what the value of it is.
Hey, Dev, you’re right, German Amazon got your book! That’s great!
I’m still figuring out the whole Kindle thing, it’s not too popular where I live. And unfortunately, my PC is a Linux, so I’m trying some workarounds here … Well, I should be done with that soon.
Mindy, yes, I have been busy with school stuff.
[And besides I read all kind of blogs, trying to find out if and why I am into spanking and what it is I want. (I am not done with any of this, even a little. And I tried explaining it to my boyfriend, which was embarassing. ).]
But I’m lurking around all the time.
Thanks, dd! And you’re so right about the cyber angels. Though of course no girl who hangs around here can be an angel all the time. And I do get your point about my whereabouts during that fiasco, so it’s jolly fortunate that the shoe is not on the other foot, isn’t it? Oh, and VAT is usually, or maybe always, pronounced ‘vee ay tee’ – if anyone wondered.
Excellent, Rike! I hope you can figure out how to work the Kindle conversion. I have no idea what Linux is, apart from the fact that it’s a computer operating system. I think in the States one finds it only in vast institutional set-ups such as university campus systems and that sort of thing, not on personal computers, though I could be wrong there.
In any case, I’m very pleased to know you’re still around, and all our best wishes that you figure out what it is you want and how to go about getting it. That’s all any of us are trying to do.
Rike, ditto! Although I suspect that BBH would say he knows what I need, even if he remains perplexed to the end of his day about what I want. Good luck!
Scarlet, we don’t use that saying around our house, we just say, “because I am the boss”. Actually, “we” don’t say it, he does. And if you are confused like I was, he wasn’t referring to Bruse Springstein when he asks “who’s the boss?”, especially if you are in a certain position.
Scarlet, the banks aren’t paying much interest these days, but it sounds as if you’re accruing bad-girl points at a rather alarming rate, and the payoff could be rather ouchy, especially if the settlement involves a riding crop.
I have a habit of accruing bad girl points, but I get a free ride for a period of time when Roman is distracted by other things. Eventually the bill comes due, but inconsistency promotes the idea that I can get away with things, so I blame him.
Thanks everyone for asking; and it did not go too well, partly because I was pretty afraid and didn’t dare say most of the stuff I was thinking. After we talked the second time, he said, that my idea of a relationship sounded like a parent-child relationship to him; and then we (I, that is) kind of stopped talking about it.
Kaki: Wow.
Scarlet: If you hang around, like maybe fifty years or so, I will maybe be able to tell you.
Dev: Linux is an operating system, that’s right, and nothing more.
Scarlet, I am with you. If they let things go it is not our fault. Of course I complained about that, mmm maybe once too many times because now things are taken care of much quicker.
Rike, that’s such a scary conversation to have: baring your heart about what you really want and need. I think your boyfriend’s response was not untypical, but if you really are in love with him and want to make a life with him, then consider that it may take some time for him to learn about things, and don’t be surprised if things move slowly. When I want to tell Roman things that make me too shy to say out loud, I usually email him.
Mindy, the riding crop is where trust comes in! I imagine it could be horrendous, but not in Roman’s hands. He knows where my limits are.
I agree with Mindy’s latest comments. It’s the old bait and switch idea. It would make a good crime story.
SUSPENSE! A REAL THRILLER! See if newbie secret agent kaki can thwart Inspector Charley from using the SWITCH for BAITing him. The “Girl Who Played With Fire” has nothing on NSA kaki.
Scarlet, thank you for your kind words. I am very sure that my boyfriend has no intention of hurting me or repulse some part of me. I thought about writing him, too. My biggest problem is finding the words and the courage to share my feelings – Every way I put it in German, it sounds just wrong. I guess emailing would help. Thanks!
bree, you are a real card aren’t you? No switches for me. I got fooled into getting something that looked innocent, I am NOT going to look for something I KNOW is nasty.
Dev, we weren’t naughty. We’ve been pretty good, I know I have.
You should have said “Dev, the other girls haven’t been naughty. I confess, I have been the only naughty one here as usual. The other girls have been pretty good, I know I haven’t.” Yes, that is better.
Rike, I have heard before from a native speaker that German is not a great language in which to talk about this thing we do. That was a big reason she became fluent in English. But probably looking at the words and thinking about what you really want him to know will help a bit. Anyway, best of luck.
Kaki, if you and Scarlet have decided to blame your Tops for your misbehavior, by whatever convoluted logic, then that’s not being anywhere near ‘pretty good.’ Just saying.
Rike, I was a similar age to you, when I realised that I needed ttwd, even now I find it hard to articulate. You are very brave to even try to put it into words with your boyfriend. Scarlet’s idea of e-mailing him is excellent, after many years with BBH I still do this, when I am too shy too talk about something.
He has been brought up in a post-feminist world, where being a dominant man or spanking a woman is offensive, so he will have a difficulty understanding your request. At least you have had the courage to bring it into the open, and I really hope it works out.
dd, that is so true about men and the post feminist world. Guys today may have natural feelings of dominance or the desire to assert themselves in a relationship, but I think for the most part they have been taught that those feelings are taboo, and make them a neanderthal. Add to that the trend in recent years for women to denigrate men in general for the very attributes that are their strengths as well as their weaknesses, and it is easy to see why they would be surprised if not shocked to find out their woman wanted them to be stronger in the relationship. Spanking is just the icing on that cupcake!
But there are things that pop up from time to time in the mainstream media that give credence to a more male-dominant relationship, if not ttwd. One I read recently was a study of women’s sexuality, and the findings were that our society’s movement toward gender-neutrality has created a lack of desire for some women in the bedroom. Basically, the two partners in a relationship can be so politically correct and equal that the spark is missing altogether. I think for most of us who engage in ttwd, that’s not a problem!
Kaki may have been “pretty good.” I’ve been “really good.”
I haven’t been caught doing anything naughty, except not returning the missing items. I just got my third warning about that. I’m going to wait and see if he notices they’re still not back when he gets home tonight.
Oh yeah, Scarlet, that’s just a James Dandy plan that can’t possibly backfire or cause any fire in your backside, so you just keep smiling and chuckling and dreaming those happy dreams because you absolutely have a handle on the whole situation. Yep.
It does take a bit of rethinking on the guy’s part to get past all the indoctrination and re-education that has taken place the past few decades, and I have to wonder if all guys have it in them to ignore what in most situations would be at least a chivalrous attitude toward a woman, and dominate her like she needs to be. There’s a fine line between being a guy who knows what he wants and what the woman needs, and is willing to demand it, and being a guy who’s just a jerk, but some of us can do it. I think a lot of it though has to do with whether the guy really knows what the woman wants, and the more she can open up to him the better off they both are. That’s kind of obvious, I suppose, and goes both ways, although I think women are pre-programmed to expect that guys are going to be as communicative as Back Bay oysters, and there’s something to be said for being the strong, silent, really ouchy with the spanking hand type. Also, it takes some gear shifting, for a guy to go from everyday, politically correct, treat everyone equally and with respect life to ‘don’t give me that attitude, young lady, or else,’ and not only mean it but follow through when she keeps it up. So a bit of transition time and maybe a martini would be helpful.
Uh. Yeah. There you go. I better go edit something.
Here I go with the questions again. Why are Back Bay oysters so communicative? Do they squeak or something all the time? Is there such a thing as Back Bay oysters? Are they only found in Florida?
Well, if you were asking if BB oysters have high squeaky voices just like Tops, I think the answer is yes. Regardless where they are found, front bay or back bay.
Sounds like Somebody doesn’t have a problem transitioning.
That is a little of what happened with us,we were finally getting along really well so why would he want to spank me now? The whold idea seemed strange but strangely it works. Go figure.
Tell tales, bree. I could never tell a mistruth , I could endanger my poor little hiney . So if I were to say those outlandish lies about me being the only naughty one here, well I wouldn’t be able to sit for a week. You, on the other hand, young lady should be spanked for trying to get me to tell such lies. The very idea!
Dev, I agree with you. Kaki should settle down. What did kaki actually win? Is it a good girl spanking? She has said she needs more of those to balance things out. I don’t mind losing, as long as kaki’s needs are being met. My work is done here.
Mindy, apparently some of my comments are missing in the past posts. I don’t remember what I said exactly now. It had something to do with how I loved the videos you posted and I think you are very good at producing them. They were very funny and you had me Good job.
Bree, Dev was obviously referring to you to settle down.
Dev, if (and I said “if”) a girl is a little extra naughty when her Top is under the weather do you think she would get extra spankings when or if he realizes it later? I am not saying I am planning anything I was just curious.
Was not, Kaki! You always start this stuff, not me.
See now look what you are trying to devise here. I am telling Charley. If he is sick you should not be extra naughty, you should be trying to nurse him back to health so he can spank you again. I think Charley has overexerted himself from spanking you too much in the past week. Be nice!
Bree, I was telling you to settle down, but apparently I must say the same to Kaki as well at this point. Taking advantage of a Top’s under the weatherness to get into mischief is indeed extra naughty and has to be addressed accordingly, as you say, with extra spankings. Perhaps any appropriate leftover doctoring items could be put to use on such an extra naughty girl as well.
Kaki, I really wouldn’t advice it! Tops seem to have perfect recall for infractions, even if they can’t manage to remember what we are doing this weekend or their mother’s birthday! Just not worth it! He’s bound to remember ordinary mischief, without you adding to the score
Dev and Scarlet, sometimes the whole post feminist secrecy, double personality thing can become slightly tricky (at least for me). BBH has to go from businessman, respecting female colleagues (don’t think he’s ever had a female boss, but there’s always a first); vanilla husband and fantastic, loving father; to my Top, my Sir, holding me accountable for things other couples would just argue over… Luckily, even before the internet, he’s always read and explored “out of the box”, and is comfortable with who he is. Until recently, I have always been the more reticent partner, willing to explore aspects of ttwd on a gratification level, but not looking for accountability. Brought up on Marilyn French and Germaine Greer, who can blame me? I am so glad I dropped the barriers.
dd, I think that applies to all of us at some stage of our lives. We were brought up in an era where the feminist movement was really strong. It became quite confusing for us to think, feel and desire TTWD. I’ve come to terms with it by viewing it as a personal choice, a decision, our right to choose. It’s not forced on us. We choose to be held accountable, we choose to submit, and ultimately, it’s us girls who gave our partners the power. To me, the right to choose doesn’t contradict what feminism is.
And thank you again, Mindy and also dd. TTWD can be tricky in and of itself, and when outside elements become involved it can be really problematic. Mindy’s point about this being a choice and not at all anti-feminist is well taken, and dd’s assertion that short-circuiting a rancorous argument with a simple ‘because I said so’ has a lot of appeal. Matters will not always be that cut and dried or that simple, but as Loki said when I was crabbing about how dastardly difficult putting this last book together was, ‘nothing worthwhile is ever easy.’ I’ve said that to others on numerous occasions so she must be right.
Anyhow, we keep on doing this thing we do, don’t we?
Oops, forgot. Dev, congratulations on being Chrossed once again.
I don’t think many people have heard or understand of ttwd, that in each case it is consentual. The spotlight is on abuse so the idea of what we do has to sound crazy to them. It did for me, sometimes it still does. Sometimes when I either watch a video or read a real life story I think, WHAT! Then I have to remind myself, oh yeah, I do the same thing.
Yes, TTWD is very specific and limited in scope, and when people go outside the lines, say into abuse or simply away from the consensual, then it no longer is TTWD, it’s something else. So if you see something that makes you say WHAT! it may not be the same thing you do at all, Kaki.
Dev, paddles are really only useful for steering canoes, any other type should be assigned immediately to the nearest bonfire! Unfortunately, in London we don’t have that option, which makes implement removal a tad tricky.
I’ve hopped off the soa[box, contrats on being Chrossed!
Thank you, Rike, and you too, dd. It’s a good plan for many reasons to ban open fires in the London area. I well remember the awful Smog of ’47. Okay, no I don’t but you get my point.
And Mindy, you’re helping a lot. You are helping yourself to a whole bunch of trouble, young lady. :waits:
Mindy, by the time I’m ready to travel around delivering much needed spankings, you will have earned such a lot that I’ll have to get to the east by flying west – all the way around the world, via Australia. Don’t think I won’t either.
Sadly, no. I will be returning to America, like a responsible citizen. Though I’m sure somebody could be summoned to perform this most vital duty down under.
It’s not so much ‘ganging up’ as it is sitting in judgement en banc. For in discussion is it determined how best to mete out punishments, both firm and fair. …or fun and unfair, as it pleases the court.
Pygmalion, good to see you again. Can’t wait ’til you are home again. I would have used the smailey drumming his fingers (the waiting emoticon) but alas it is forbidden by for we girls to use it. I try and pace my mischief.
Mindy, since Pygmalion can’t make it maybe we could ask Nik.
Hello, Mindy, this is Kaki sorry I missed you. Don’t worry about you not having a Top on hand. (hand-get it ) I am actively looking for one for you, I will make sure he is up to the task.
While all the Tops are busy searching for Mindy, I’m thinking about your little problem dd, how to get rid of implements?
What about making Christmas decorations out of them. You cut cut leather into little strips, add a bit of glitter and a bit of coloured string and dangle them from the christmas tree. Paddles wuld have to be cut up much smaller and you would have to drill holes for the string. Perhaps they could be painted in festive colours. I’m sure once you had cut them up so that they were unrecognisable the children would enjoy helping you decorate them. Then your husband would have to admire and praise the finished product, adding a nice ironic touch to the procedings.
Alice, in case you missed it, the reason Mindy is hiding behind being so very busy is that she was so bluming helpful with suggestions for getting rid of implements. Well, that and a really stroppy attitude. In any case, you could be looking to hide from a hiding behind extra tasks soon yourself, missy. :waits:
Dev, you are sounding very grinch like. There is me being very helpful with ways to occupy children, and make pretty christmas decorations. I don’t know.
and I’m not feeling at all stroppy, so I’ll let you concentrate on Mindy.
Mindy and Alice thank you for your thoughtful suggestions. I am sorry that Dev and Pygmalion seem less appreciative of them than I am.
Unfortunately, Mindy, we are only allowed fires in London which use smokeless fuel so the kindling idea probably wouldn’t work, leather would probably smell a bit suspicious too. BBH normally builds the fires and may be a trifle surprised to see some non-uniform pieces of kindling appear.
Alice, your suggestion may work better. The children would be delighted to spend a creative afternoon and won’t query where I managed to obtain so many novel items for them to decorate. Think I’ll throw in the wooden spoons to be transformed to Santas and fairies as well. As BBH normally disappears when glitter and paint come out, as you say, he will just have to admire the new range of ornaments at the end. Not too sure how to eradicate the worst implement though. I suppose I could wrap ribbons around it and pretend it was giant candy-cane but that still wouldn’t get rid of the dratted thing!
Scarlet, it is sugar, right? If it’s acrylic or plastic, that could be worse than those I’ve recently transformed into more appealing objects! Sugar should break almost instantly on impact, hopefully without splinters
I got caned by one of those plastic, very flexible candy canes in the middle of a party. It wasn’t that bad and felt kind of nice. It wasn’t bare bottomed, but it was after I played a number of times and just over my panties. I think I want one of those candy canes. I wish I had asked the owner where they got it. Have to look for one
Bree, that sounds very sweet. Yes, that was a pun. You may moan and roll your eyes.
What did I tell you, dd? Ian of London Tanners will be working overtime this Christmas season to replace all that wasted rattan, and others will be working overtime to use it on deserving bottoms such as yours, young lady. The very idea!
I think I might have been, dd. I know, that sounds terrible doesn’t it?
Ok, so I was testing the darn thing out for someone. I don’t know what came over me. It was all sparkly and pretty and I couldn’t resist saying yes. It was very sweet, Dev. I got some candy for my participation. It was enjoyable for both parties. It wouldn’t work for a punishment caning, though. Not that I would know anything about that.
No, Ian is a man who knows better than most men how to cane girls’ bottoms, and also how to make canes for girls’ bottoms. Men who like caning girls’ bottoms with appropriately made canes appreciate the goods he offers. He also makes paddles that are quite lovely and effective. When wielded properly, neither of these items is disregardable. Just so you know, Scarlet
Hmm. I’ve never actually used a cane, in any context, so I wouldn’t know how to appreciate a properly-made one. If hand-spanking is wine, and paddling is beer, caning may be fine whiskey. I must develop this taste, with research, application, and, above all, practice.
Seems like I’d need a few more volunteer Bottoms, though.
On the job training with a cane is a very bad idea indeed. I would suggest, if you really, really have to use a cane, you practise on a pillow and try it on yourself first, which, with any luck, will put you off the idea altogether. I very much doubt you would find any volunteer victims. You are safely back on your side of the pond, aren’t you?
I did mean on the job training with a girl who has been caned before and who can help Pygmalion learn proper procedures. Such girls do exist, because that’s how I learned. Granted, both these girls are Americans, but it seems that English girls are similarly needful, if not more so.
Woohoo! I’m heading to Amazon to get my copy! If I don’t sleep tonight, it’s all your fault, Dev.
Thank you for persisting in getting this published, Dev. And thank you to Loki and Pixie too.
Dev, good afternoon.
Great to see you back.
I’ll second Mindy’s sentiments, except I won’t blame you if I stay up too late, ’cause I’m a sucker for a good spanking story.
Now I’m off to Amazon also.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Mindy and Paul, thank you both very much indeed.
But Mindy, it’s never my fault if you’re naughty. Ever.
Gosh, all that trouble to get a book published. I have a PC, now all I have to do is write a book.
Sorry, I am not making fun of you, I think if you had a PC you may still had trouble. Nothing ever works the way it says when I get a new program. I have some that I flat out gave up on. Of course maybe if I had a Mac?? 
So happy you had friends in the right places to help you out. I look forward to the new book. But like Mindy if I get in trouble for not getting anything done around the house it will be your fault.
Yay! I will order the new book forthwith, and one of Loki’s, too! Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, right? Or at least that’s what I’ve heard.
Thank you, Kaki, and I didn’t think you were. I should write a post called All You Have To Do Isn’t. And it is lovely to have friends in all sorts of places.
Thanks very much, Scarlet. Try Loki’s Finn the Devourer. Yum. Uh, I mean, it’s a good read.
And I’m not sure who made up that rule, but it seems to be fairly universal, drat it anyway. 
Neat.
Well done, Dev, and all your helpers. i am slightly in awe of people who can do amazing things with computers. i have emailed Mindy for some technical expertise, so that I can download this, so I hope it is available in the UK.
I am a little shocked at Mindy and Kaki saying that they will stay up late and not do the housework while they read it. I of course would never do that.
I felt the same way, Alice. You and I are so good that naturally we can’t understand their behavior. I guess that’s why Charley has to use two paddles. I wonder where all this naughtiness will end.
I think I might have an idea.
Maybe that’s what Kaki’s book she’s writing will be about. We can only hope.
I wonder what chapter will be about Mindy?
Scarlet, my naughtiness would be a short story while your and Alice’s would be a mini series.
Just so you know, Scarlet, he only used one today. (one was enough
)
So is the new paddle broken in, Kaki? How is the review coming on? Sounds like you have been doing plenty of research.
Alice, it is getting there, I think I would rather it just be broken rather than broken in
. I still have more research to do. 
Cool, Dev! I will go on and buy one as soon as I figure out how to do this.
Great job!
Kaki, it’s rather difficult to break a leather paddle.
Rike! You’re back. Have you been busy with school work?
Mindy, I have two dogs and dogs love leather.
Kaki! Apart from anything else, that paddle has dyes in it that are not good for dogs. The very idea! And no wonder you have another appointment with Dr. Rose Paddle today!
Thanks, Pygmalion. One might almost say, groovy.
Scarlet and Alice
I know you two better than that.
Rike, hi! In fact, I think if you wait a day or two, the book should show up on Amazon Germany. Now THAT’S cool.
And thanks very much. 
Mindy, I see you have settled down a little, but you’re still stirring the pot a bit, aren’t you, young lady? :waits:
Oh, sorry, Alice! Meant to say that the book is on Amazon UK already, price 5 pounds 11 P. But I think there’s VAT on that, unlike print books.
Dev, I’ve been most helpful this morning. I’ve just sent Alice an email about how to keep your books safe from prying eyes.
I did get your book last night but I was too tired to read too much. I like those introductions.
Dev, £5-11 is vat inclusive
I love Kindle; I bought yours and one of Loki’s, clicked on buy, and before you could say Jack Robinson, they were there, isn’t technology wonderful.
Warm
Paul.
Mindy, I might need those instructions too!
What is vat?
Dev, sorry, I didn’t think about any dyes. Do you have any other ideas on how to accidently break it? I am sure you have had girls cause minor damage to a paddle or two.
I have more of a problem with amazon history, as my kids order from my account. I think I can erase it though.
I was going to say the same thing. I am no longer using my ipod and going to put the new book on my Droid phone. Charley has my old ipod. Yikes! Dev’s books are on there.
I don’t need him getting any ideas. 
Kaki, I think you meant “vat is dat?”
Our paddle is still hidden, although Roman has said he expects it to be put back by tonight.
Dev, Dr. Rose Paddle!
VAT is the equivalent to GST.
I thought you said leather was better than wood?
Can you tell him you’ve forgotten where you hid it? Or, the dog found it and misplaced it.
Kaki, delete the books from your old iPod and deregister the Kindle account on that old iPod.
Are you sure, Scarlet? Don’t mean to scare you, but I thought your past purchases/orders are shown on your Amazon account? You can delete your browsing history but not your order history.
Mindy, I must say you have been helpful today – until you said ‘VAT is the equivalent to GST.’ That made me laugh. Americans just call it sales tax.
Paul, technology really is wonderful when it works. And as much as I gripe, it usually does for me. Maybe that makes it worse when it doesn’t. Anyway, thanks again for your patronage, and for letting me know that VAT is included in the price of my books over there.
Scarlet, ‘vat is dat?’ Oy veh ist mir!
Oh and Kaki – any damage to an implement, accidental or otherwise, usually gets paid for out of the girl’s hide. Just saying.
That is NOT funny, Scarlet.
Very glad you liked the introductions, Mindy. The publisher said they ‘watered down’ the stories. The bozo.
Thanks, Dev,
my next question was going to be, “vat is GST?”
Mindy, he has my old ipod at work. OH! my, I just thought, I wonder if anyone has asked to see it?
And thanks, I will try and do those things you said.
Dev, when we were in school we were always told you never hit someone wearing glasses
. Does that rule hold true for spankings? 
Mindy, I’ve tried to delete my browsing history but it still recommends naughty books.
Scarlet, I think it is time to have the kids get their own Amazon account and change your password or set up a separate one for them. I really do hate that they show what you ordered before.
‘Watered down’ the stories? Bozo indeed!
Kaki, it’s still recommending naughty books because it remembers your past orders. To prevent these naughty recommendations, you need to unassociate these orders from your recommendations. Go to ‘Personalisation’ in ‘Your Account’ and click on’Improve Your Recommendations’. This brings you to a page listing the items you’ve purchased before. On the right of each item, check the box ‘Don’t use for recommendations’.
Scarlet, I agree with Kaki, it may be time for your kids to get their own Amazon account. You can’t get rid of the Order History in your account.
P.S. I sent you an email.
Dev, when you say they watered down your stories do you mean they changed them? Are they allowed to do that? We want all the juicy details.
I just received this funny clip and I thought this may make everyone laugh: click to view
Mindy, that was funny. It is like Christmas with the Klumps. (the Nutty Professor)
No, he said that the introductions I wrote ‘watered down’ the stories – his terminology. He did delete 4 of the stories, which really waters down the book I think. Or erodes it, anyway.
After I come back from the airport, I’m going to continue reading the book, especially the four stories that were deleted from the first edition.
Mindy, I like having you here instead of going to work.
Drive carefully, Mindy.
Kaki, the omitted ones are, or were, ‘The Company Van,’ “Goldilocks and the Three Behrs,’ ‘Duet for Solo Baritone,’ and ‘Is There a Cyber Brat in the House?’
Me too! Sadly, it’s reality check tomorrow morning when I have to go back to work.
I cannot understand why the publisher removed those four stories.
They fit the themes and compliment the other stories so well. I loved ‘Goldilocks and the Three Behrs’ – what a cute and endearing fairy tale. 
It reminds me of your parodies like ‘A Fractured Fairytale’, ‘Perry Squatter’, ‘Spankleberry Finn’, etc.
I really like this revised edition – a enthralling read even though I’ve read a number of the stories before. Very well written. I can’t agree more with the review that Loki wrote.
Please don’t stop writing, Dev. Care to start on another novel?
Gosh that was a long way down Dev. That’s great news and £5.11 worth every penny.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Thanks very, very much, Mindy.
The publisher wasn’t concerned about thematic consistency or even quality of writing as much as word count, so those four had to go, along with the introductions, and the theme divisions, which of course would have made little sense without all the stories in them. Anyway I’m delighted you enjoyed the book as it was meant to be. 
Hi, Ronnie! I really appreciate your saying so, and very happy you liked it.
I don’t have any children, but I do occasionally open up Amazon at work and then have to immediately shut it before my office-mate notices the sorts of books it is recommending :(
I thought there was a way to tell it not to recommend books based on a particular purchase, but it doesn’t seem to have taken. Hmph.
Congrats on the book, Dev, I can’t wait to read it. That Loki is one smart cookie
Thanks very much, Em. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Isn’t she though?
Congratulations on the book being out, Dev, and thank goodness for the cyber angels who helped you in your hour of need. Although I can just see a Top’s response to “well Sweetie, the blite crashed while I was a wee bit tipsy at a casino…”! Have just downloaded the stories, so bed time reading sorted
Incidentally VAT, as Mindy, said is sales tax, not a barrel of wine
It is an acronym for Value Added Tax, although I have yet to see what the value of it is.
Hey, Dev, you’re right, German Amazon got your book! That’s great!
I’m still figuring out the whole Kindle thing, it’s not too popular where I live. And unfortunately, my PC is a Linux, so I’m trying some workarounds here … Well, I should be done with that soon.
Mindy, yes, I have been busy with school stuff.
).]
[And besides I read all kind of blogs, trying to find out if and why I am into spanking and what it is I want. (I am not done with any of this, even a little. And I tried explaining it to my boyfriend, which was embarassing.
But I’m lurking around all the time.
All the girls in the book are spoiled with chocolates, champagne, and shopping sprees, right? Of course I’ll enjoy reading that!
Thanks, dd! And you’re so right about the cyber angels. Though of course no girl who hangs around here can be an angel all the time.
And I do get your point about my whereabouts during that fiasco, so it’s jolly fortunate that the shoe is not on the other foot, isn’t it? 
Oh, and VAT is usually, or maybe always, pronounced ‘vee ay tee’ – if anyone wondered. 
Excellent, Rike! I hope you can figure out how to work the Kindle conversion. I have no idea what Linux is, apart from the fact that it’s a computer operating system. I think in the States one finds it only in vast institutional set-ups such as university campus systems and that sort of thing, not on personal computers, though I could be wrong there.
In any case, I’m very pleased to know you’re still around, and all our best wishes that you figure out what it is you want and how to go about getting it. That’s all any of us are trying to do.
Congrats on telling your boyfriend, Rike!
How did it go?
Oh, yeah, right, Em. For sure. Shopping and chocolates and wine. You bet.
Rike, when you figure it out, will you let the rest of us know?
Dev, someone I know always used to say, “The rules of the castle do not apply to the king.” That seems a little apropos here.
Rike, ditto! Although I suspect that BBH would say he knows what I need, even if he remains perplexed to the end of his day about what I want. Good luck!
Exactly, Scarlet. Would you embroider that on a large sampler and have it framed please? I’ll hang it above my mantlepiece.
Rike, if you think it was hard telling your boyfriend, try telling your husband after being married twenty-eight years.
I have a feeling that’s going to be a very popular sampler! Maybe TNP Inc should carry them for Christmas.
Better get busy with the needles if you’re going to make it for this Christmas.
dd, what you want or what you need?
Scarlet, we don’t use that saying around our house, we just say, “because I am the boss”. Actually, “we” don’t say it, he does. And if you are confused like I was, he wasn’t referring to Bruse Springstein when he asks “who’s the boss?”, especially if you are in a certain position.
Kaki, is the answer Dr. Rose Paddle?
Surprisingly, Dr. Rose
Paddle 
seems to be the answer for everything. 
Scarlet,
do you think Charley would notice if I swapped the rose paddle 
for a rose petal? 
They sound similar. 
BTW, has Roman found the hidden
paddle yet? 
He’s asked for it twice, and last time he seemed to mean it, but…he’s been very busy and distracted. It’s still in my closet.
I think what he really misses is the riding crop.
I still have a hard time picturing you with the riding crop.
Or is it you that is really missing it?
Scarlet, the banks aren’t paying much interest these days, but it sounds as if you’re accruing bad-girl points at a rather alarming rate, and the payoff could be rather ouchy, especially if the settlement involves a riding crop.
Should I send for Dr. Rose Paddle?
I have a habit of accruing bad girl points, but I get a free ride for a period of time when Roman is distracted by other things. Eventually the bill comes due, but inconsistency promotes the idea that I can get away with things, so I blame him.
The riding crop may have to be reported as lost or stolen, by the way.
Thanks everyone for asking; and it did not go too well, partly because I was pretty afraid and didn’t dare say most of the stuff I was thinking.
After we talked the second time, he said, that my idea of a relationship sounded like a parent-child relationship to him; 
and then we (I, that is) kind of stopped talking about it.
Kaki:
Wow. 
Scarlet: If you hang around, like maybe fifty years or so, I will maybe be able to tell you.
Dev: Linux is an operating system, that’s right, and nothing more.
And you have searched everywhere, I guess?
Scarlet, I am with you. If they let things go it is not our fault. Of course I complained about that, mmm maybe once too many times because now things are taken care of much quicker.
Sorry to hear that it didn’t go well, Rike.
Riding crop, Scarlet? Wow! Isn’t that as bad as a cane?
Kaki, if you get Charley another implement, he may lose his interest on Dr. Rose Paddle.
Mindy, if that is your idea of helping, try again.
Another implement, indeed! 
Mindy, ther still is hope. I will not give up!
Rike, that’s such a scary conversation to have: baring your heart about what you really want and need. I think your boyfriend’s response was not untypical, but if you really are in love with him and want to make a life with him, then consider that it may take some time for him to learn about things, and don’t be surprised if things move slowly. When I want to tell Roman things that make me too shy to say out loud, I usually email him.
Mindy, the riding crop is where trust comes in! I imagine it could be horrendous, but not in Roman’s hands. He knows where my limits are.
That’s good advice to Rike, Scarlet, and thank you.
On the other hand, your naughtiness, and by ‘your’ I mean ALL you girls’ naughtiness, is no one’s fault but your own. The very idea!
I agree with Mindy’s latest comments. It’s the old bait and switch idea. It would make a good crime story.
SUSPENSE! A REAL THRILLER! See if newbie secret agent kaki can thwart Inspector Charley from using the SWITCH for BAITing him. The “Girl Who Played With Fire” has nothing on NSA kaki.
Scarlet, thank you for your kind words. I am very sure that my boyfriend has no intention of hurting me or repulse some part of me. I thought about writing him, too. My biggest problem is finding the words and the courage to share my feelings – Every way I put it in German, it sounds just wrong. I guess emailing would help. Thanks!
bree, you are a real card aren’t you?
No switches for me. I got fooled into getting something that looked innocent, I am NOT going to look for something I KNOW is nasty. 
Dev, we weren’t naughty.
We’ve been pretty good, I know I have. 
Yes, kaki. I am the Ace of Hearts.
We kaki?
I think you are misusing pronouns again. 
You should have said “Dev, the other girls haven’t been naughty. I confess, I have been the only naughty one here as usual. The other girls have been pretty good, I know I haven’t.” Yes, that is better.
Rike, I have heard before from a native speaker that German is not a great language in which to talk about this thing we do. That was a big reason she became fluent in English. But probably looking at the words and thinking about what you really want him to know will help a bit. Anyway, best of luck.
Kaki, if you and Scarlet have decided to blame your Tops for your misbehavior, by whatever convoluted logic, then that’s not being anywhere near ‘pretty good.’ Just saying.
Look up the word thwart, kaki. That might help and give you a clue. Razz-a-ma-tazz.
Rike, I was a similar age to you, when I realised that I needed ttwd, even now I find it hard to articulate. You are very brave to even try to put it into words with your boyfriend. Scarlet’s idea of e-mailing him is excellent, after many years with BBH I still do this, when I am too shy too talk about something.
He has been brought up in a post-feminist world, where being a dominant man or spanking a woman is offensive, so he will have a difficulty understanding your request. At least you have had the courage to bring it into the open, and I really hope it works out.
dd, that is so true about men and the post feminist world. Guys today may have natural feelings of dominance or the desire to assert themselves in a relationship, but I think for the most part they have been taught that those feelings are taboo, and make them a neanderthal. Add to that the trend in recent years for women to denigrate men in general for the very attributes that are their strengths as well as their weaknesses, and it is easy to see why they would be surprised if not shocked to find out their woman wanted them to be stronger in the relationship. Spanking is just the icing on that cupcake!
But there are things that pop up from time to time in the mainstream media that give credence to a more male-dominant relationship, if not ttwd. One I read recently was a study of women’s sexuality, and the findings were that our society’s movement toward gender-neutrality has created a lack of desire for some women in the bedroom. Basically, the two partners in a relationship can be so politically correct and equal that the spark is missing altogether. I think for most of us who engage in ttwd, that’s not a problem!
Kaki may have been “pretty good.” I’ve been “really good.”
I haven’t been caught doing anything naughty, except not returning the missing items. I just got my third warning about that. I’m going to wait and see if he notices they’re still not back when he gets home tonight.
That sounds like a good strategy, doesn’t it?
Oh yeah, Scarlet, that’s just a James Dandy plan that can’t possibly backfire or cause any fire in your backside, so you just keep smiling
and chuckling 
and dreaming those happy dreams 
because you absolutely have a handle on the whole situation. Yep. 
Speaking of strategy, kaki has been awfully quiet. I wonder why?
It does take a bit of rethinking on the guy’s part to get past all the indoctrination and re-education that has taken place the past few decades, and I have to wonder if all guys have it in them to ignore what in most situations would be at least a chivalrous attitude toward a woman, and dominate her like she needs to be. There’s a fine line between being a guy who knows what he wants and what the woman needs, and is willing to demand it, and being a guy who’s just a jerk, but some of us can do it. I think a lot of it though has to do with whether the guy really knows what the woman wants, and the more she can open up to him the better off they both are. That’s kind of obvious, I suppose, and goes both ways, although I think women are pre-programmed to expect that guys are going to be as communicative as Back Bay oysters, and there’s something to be said for being the strong, silent, really ouchy with the spanking hand type. Also, it takes some gear shifting, for a guy to go from everyday, politically correct, treat everyone equally and with respect life to ‘don’t give me that attitude, young lady, or else,’ and not only mean it but follow through when she keeps it up. So a bit of transition time and maybe a martini would be helpful.
Uh. Yeah. There you go. I better go edit something.
Here I go with the questions again. Why are Back Bay oysters so communicative? Do they squeak or something all the time? Is there such a thing as Back Bay oysters? Are they only found in Florida?
Dev, I thought what you wrote was wonderful. I love hearing what men think about things.
Bree, Back Bay made me think Boston. I suppose wherever there’s an ocean there’s a Back Bay.
scarlet, that didn’t help me out at all, but thanks for trying.
Well, if you were asking if BB oysters have high squeaky voices just like Tops, I think the answer is yes. Regardless where they are found, front bay or back bay.
You see right through me, scarlet……
Thank you, Scarlet. Happy to help.
Bree, oysters don’t talk, no matter where they are from.
…….but, no!
In cartoons they do.
I realize this seems like I am asking for something, but in reality it is a continuation of my response to scarlet. Heehee…
Sounds like Somebody doesn’t have a problem transitioning.
That is a little of what happened with us,we were finally getting along really well so why would he want to spank me now? The whold idea seemed strange but strangely it works. Go figure.
bree, if I said that then I would be spanked for telling tales.
I would never do that. 
Do what exactly, Kaki? Ms.Vague as usual. Not vogue,vague.
Tell tales, bree. I could never tell a mistruth
, I could endanger my poor little hiney 
. So if I were to say those outlandish lies about me being the only naughty one here, well I wouldn’t be able to sit for a week. You, on the other hand, young lady should be spanked for trying to get me to tell such lies. 
The very idea!
I have to give this round to Kaki, Bree, and you need to settle down, missy. :waits:
Dev, I agree with you. Kaki should settle down.
What did kaki actually win? Is it a good girl spanking? 
She has said she needs more of those to balance things out. 
I don’t mind losing, as long as kaki’s needs are being met. 
My work is done here. 
Mindy,
apparently some of my comments are missing in the past posts. I don’t remember what I said exactly now. 
It had something to do with how I loved the videos you posted and I think you are very good at producing them. They were very funny and you had me 
Good job. 
Bree, Dev was obviously referring to you to settle down.
Dev, if (and I said “if”) a girl is a little extra naughty when her Top is under the weather do you think she would get extra spankings when or if he realizes it later? I am not saying I am planning anything I was just curious.
Was not, Kaki!
You always start this stuff, not me. 
See now look what you are trying to devise here.
I am telling Charley. 
If he is sick you should not be extra naughty, you should be trying to nurse him back to health so he can spank you again. 
I think Charley has overexerted himself from spanking you too much in the past week. 
Be nice! 
I hope Charley feels better soon.
Bree, I was telling you to settle down, but apparently I must say the same to Kaki as well at this point. Taking advantage of a Top’s under the weatherness to get into mischief is indeed extra naughty and has to be addressed accordingly, as you say, with extra spankings. Perhaps any appropriate leftover doctoring items could be put to use on such an extra naughty girl as well.
Oh…:roll:…settling down then.
@Kaki
Kaki, I really wouldn’t advice it! Tops seem to have perfect recall for infractions, even if they can’t manage to remember what we are doing this weekend or their mother’s birthday! Just not worth it! He’s bound to remember ordinary mischief, without you adding to the score
Congrats, Dev! A Chrossing this week!
Kaki, you don’t want to play with fire unless you’re itching for extra taps with Dr. Rose Paddle.
Dev and Scarlet, sometimes the whole post feminist secrecy, double personality thing can become slightly tricky (at least for me). BBH has to go from businessman, respecting female colleagues (don’t think he’s ever had a female boss, but there’s always a first); vanilla husband and fantastic, loving father; to my Top, my Sir, holding me accountable for things other couples would just argue over… Luckily, even before the internet, he’s always read and explored “out of the box”, and is comfortable with who he is. Until recently, I have always been the more reticent partner, willing to explore aspects of ttwd on a gratification level, but not looking for accountability. Brought up on Marilyn French and Germaine Greer, who can blame me? I am so glad I dropped the barriers.
Thanks, Bree.
dd, I think that applies to all of us at some stage of our lives. We were brought up in an era where the feminist movement was really strong. It became quite confusing for us to think, feel and desire TTWD. I’ve come to terms with it by viewing it as a personal choice, a decision, our right to choose. It’s not forced on us. We choose to be held accountable, we choose to submit, and ultimately, it’s us girls who gave our partners the power. To me, the right to choose doesn’t contradict what feminism is.
Yay! I got Chrossed! Thanks, Mindy.
And thank you again, Mindy and also dd. TTWD can be tricky in and of itself, and when outside elements become involved it can be really problematic. Mindy’s point about this being a choice and not at all anti-feminist is well taken, and dd’s assertion that short-circuiting a rancorous argument with a simple ‘because I said so’ has a lot of appeal. Matters will not always be that cut and dried or that simple, but as Loki said when I was crabbing about how dastardly difficult putting this last book together was, ‘nothing worthwhile is ever easy.’ I’ve said that to others on numerous occasions so she must be right.
Anyhow, we keep on doing this thing we do, don’t we?
Good thing I wasn’t tempted to go astray,
all this advice points to a very bad ending for my end 
. That is, “if” I was to get into any mischief. 
I will continue to be my obedient and respectful self.
^
^That is until he makes a recovery.
Oops, forgot. Dev, congratulations on being Chrossed once again.
I don’t think many people have heard or understand of ttwd, that in each case it is consentual. The spotlight is on abuse so the idea of what we do has to sound crazy to them. It did for me, sometimes it still does. Sometimes when I either watch a video or read a real life story I think, WHAT! Then I have to remind myself, oh yeah, I do the same thing.
Thanks, Kaki.
Yes, TTWD is very specific and limited in scope, and when people go outside the lines, say into abuse or simply away from the consensual, then it no longer is TTWD, it’s something else. So if you see something that makes you say WHAT! it may not be the same thing you do at all, Kaki.
That’s if from me. Night, all.
Good night, Dev.
Thought for the day on my calendar:. Always paddle your own canoe. Just thought I’d share.
Congrats, Dev!
Paddles are very helpful for steering both canoes and girls in the proper direction. Thanks for sharing, Scarlet, and for the congrats as well.
Hey, Dev, congrats for the Chrossing!
Dev, paddles are really only useful for steering canoes, any other type should be assigned immediately to the nearest bonfire! Unfortunately, in London we don’t have that option, which makes implement removal a tad tricky.
I’ve hopped off the soa[box, contrats on being Chrossed!
dd, what about using them as kindling wood in the fireplace? It’s getting cold in London, isn’t it? If all else fails, break them?
Thank you, Rike, and you too, dd. It’s a good plan for many reasons to ban open fires in the London area. I well remember the awful Smog of ’47. Okay, no I don’t but you get my point.
And Mindy, you’re helping a lot. You are helping yourself to a whole bunch of trouble, young lady. :waits:
Trouble, what trouble? I don’t see any around me.
You see some right in front of you, young lady, so you had better settle down right now. Do you hear me, missy?
I hear you!
It’s a bit hard to settle down when you’re having fun.
You need a spanking, young lady, a very strict one.
There’s no one here to deliver it.
I agree, Dev. Here you go
just in case your hand gets sore. 
SCARLET! Hurry,Mindy is going to get a spanking. I got the popcorn. Oh, Mindy, I didn’t forget you. I have frozen peas for you.
Dev looks like he is ready.
Kaki, you’re first in the queue, not me. You’re closer to Dev geographically.
Mindy, by the time I’m ready to travel around delivering much needed spankings, you will have earned such a lot that I’ll have to get to the east by flying west – all the way around the world, via Australia. Don’t think I won’t either.
Wow. Good discussion. It’s always fun to see what goes on here, even when I can’t participate.
Pygmalion, nice to see you again.
Shoosh, looks like I need to find a secret hideout or my rump will be toast.
Hi, Pygmalion. You wouldn’t be headed for Australia anytime soon, would you?
Noooooo! I think he’s busy, Dev.
Sadly, no. I will be returning to America, like a responsible citizen. Though I’m sure somebody could be summoned to perform this most vital duty down under.
Huh? There are two Tops ganged up against me. Help!
Scarlet, is the bratmobile still working?
It’s not so much ‘ganging up’ as it is sitting in judgement en banc. For in discussion is it determined how best to mete out punishments, both firm and fair. …or fun and unfair, as it pleases the court.
Quite right, Pygmalion. Too bad about your travel plans though. I’ll have to move mine up, I suppose.
Maybe you can make a stopover in Australia?
Pygmalion, good to see you again. Can’t
wait ’til you are home 
again. I would have used the smailey drumming his fingers (the waiting emoticon) but alas it is forbidden by 
for we girls to use it. 
I try and pace my mischief. 
Mindy,
since Pygmalion can’t make it maybe we could ask Nik. 
Mindy is not in. Please leave a message.
I might have to change my plans after all, now that we’ve got a Missing Person. I’ll bring my dousing paddle, and search for Clues.
Hello, Mindy, this is Kaki sorry I missed you. Don’t worry about you not having a Top on hand. (hand-get it
) I am actively looking for one for you, I will make sure he is up to the 
task. 
Not missing nor in trouble! Just busy, very busy ….
I’m sorry, there is a glitch in the recording. Your message has been deleted. Beep.
While all the Tops are busy searching for Mindy, I’m thinking about your little problem dd, how to get rid of implements?
What about making Christmas decorations out of them. You cut cut leather into little strips, add a bit of glitter and a bit of coloured string and dangle them from the christmas tree. Paddles wuld have to be cut up much smaller and you would have to drill holes for the string. Perhaps they could be painted in festive colours. I’m sure once you had cut them up so that they were unrecognisable the children would enjoy helping you decorate them. Then your husband would have to admire and praise the finished product, adding a nice ironic touch to the procedings.
Alice, in case you missed it, the reason Mindy is hiding behind being so very busy is that she was so bluming helpful with suggestions for getting rid of implements. Well, that and a really stroppy attitude. In any case, you could be looking to hide from a hiding behind extra tasks soon yourself, missy. :waits:
(Good for you, Kaki.
You know what I mean.)
Dev, you are sounding very grinch like. There is me being very helpful with ways to occupy children, and make pretty christmas decorations. I don’t know.
and I’m not feeling at all stroppy, so I’ll let you concentrate on Mindy.
Mindy and Alice thank you for your thoughtful suggestions. I am sorry that Dev and Pygmalion seem less appreciative of them than I am.
Unfortunately, Mindy, we are only allowed fires in London which use smokeless fuel so the kindling idea probably wouldn’t work, leather would probably smell a bit suspicious too. BBH normally builds the fires and may be a trifle surprised to see some non-uniform pieces of kindling appear.
Alice, your suggestion may work better. The children would be delighted to spend a creative afternoon and won’t query where I managed to obtain so many novel items for them to decorate. Think I’ll throw in the wooden spoons to be transformed to Santas and fairies as well. As BBH normally disappears when glitter and paint come out, as you say, he will just have to admire the new range of ornaments at the end. Not too sure how to eradicate the worst implement though. I suppose I could wrap ribbons around it and pretend it was giant candy-cane but that still wouldn’t get rid of the dratted thing!
No problem, dd cut that into small lengths to make wind chimes, or cut different lengths and make a xylophone.
Wind chimes, brilliant idea, Alice! BBH will find their gentle sound very soothing
Thanks! 
Thanks, dd fir the new TNP idea! Candy canes!
That would be “for” not “fir”‘ ain’t that right?
Scarlet, are you thinking of huge candy canes like this one?
I hope it’s not the one on my next comment(can’t post two links in one comment as it goes to spam).
This one is from the UK. If you’re wondering why such implements are so easily available over there, the answer is in one of Polly’s tweets.
Mindy, I like the second one, but be sure it’s made of sugar, not wood or rattan.
Scarlet, it is sugar, right?
If it’s acrylic or plastic, that could be worse than those I’ve recently transformed into more appealing objects! Sugar should break almost instantly on impact, hopefully without splinters 
WIND CHIMES? I don’t think so very much!
I got caned by one of those plastic, very flexible candy canes in the middle of a party. It wasn’t that bad and felt kind of nice. It wasn’t bare bottomed, but it was after I played a number of times and just over my panties. I think I want one of those candy canes. I wish I had asked the owner where they got it. Have to look for one
Dev, too late! They are very pretty. Would you like a set? I still have some cane left over.
Bree, are you suggesting this could be a good Christmas present?
Bree, that sounds very sweet.
Yes, that was a pun. You may moan and roll your eyes. 
What did I tell you, dd? Ian of London Tanners will be working overtime this Christmas season to replace all that wasted rattan, and others will be working overtime to use it on deserving bottoms such as yours, young lady. The very idea!
Candy canes? Too sticky. Two cents, given. [nods head, pleased at a job well done]
I do need to patronize The London Tanners again. The “Quick Order Complete” comes with a carrying case, after all. Have to refresh, have to refresh.
Ian stopped making rattan for a while. I hope he is back at it, now he’s home and dry in Jolly Olde.
Is Ian one of Santa’s elves? He doesn’T sound like it. We specified sugar, not rattan. Pygmalian, thank you for your sage input. We will disregard it.
I think I might have been, dd.
I know, that sounds terrible doesn’t it?
Ok, so I was testing the darn thing out for someone.
I don’t know what came over me. 
It was all sparkly and pretty and I couldn’t resist saying yes. 
It was very sweet, Dev. I got some candy for my participation. 
It was enjoyable for both parties. It wouldn’t work for a punishment caning, though. 
Not that I would know anything about that. 
No, Ian is a man who knows better than most men how to cane girls’ bottoms, and also how to make canes for girls’ bottoms. Men who like caning girls’ bottoms with appropriately made canes appreciate the goods he offers. He also makes paddles that are quite lovely and effective. When wielded properly, neither of these items is disregardable. Just so you know, Scarlet
Hmm. I’ve never actually used a cane, in any context, so I wouldn’t know how to appreciate a properly-made one. If hand-spanking is wine, and paddling is beer, caning may be fine whiskey. I must develop this taste, with research, application, and, above all, practice.
Seems like I’d need a few more volunteer Bottoms, though.
yaknow…for Science?
As with any endeavor, Pygmalion, on the job training is best. Sounds like you understand that very well, so good luck with your education.
Pygmalion, Dev was just joshing you.
On the job training with a cane is a very bad idea indeed.
I would suggest, if you really, really have to use a cane, you practise on a pillow and try it on yourself first, which, with any luck, will put you off the idea altogether. I very much doubt you would find any volunteer victims. You are safely back on your side of the pond, aren’t you?
I did mean on the job training with a girl who has been caned before and who can help Pygmalion learn proper procedures. Such girls do exist, because that’s how I learned. Granted, both these girls are Americans, but it seems that English girls are similarly needful, if not more so.
Really, Dev? I only seem to know English angels!
I shall have to make a search. A pleasant quest, indeed.
Pygmalion, too bad I’m thousand of miles away.
Ah well. It can be a life goal. And, bonus: “The Cane Geis” would be an excellent story title, so I can chronicle the quest later.