A snippet of a sort of pirate story – VERY sort of …
Mar 6, 2012 by Devlin O' Neill
Pirate Chapter 5
Paladin fought his way to consciousness from a dream where he looked on while surgeons installed new eyes in his empty sockets, and then he groped around for the pad that was screaming its noisiest emergency alarm. Blinded by the sunshine that blazed through the glass door, he turned away and held the device to his ear.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, it’s me. Are you still alive?”
He nodded and then regretted the movement, and grunted another yeah. “What time is it? I can’t see the clock.”
“Oh-seven thirty. You said to call your emergency band if I didn’t hear from you by now.”
“I did?” He blinked, and felt sandpaper behind his eyelids, and slowly became aware, through the dull ringing in his ears, of a soft but insistent and irritating chime from somewhere in the room. “Oh, oh yeah, I asked you for a wakeup call, didn’t I?”
“Well, first you asked if I wanted to go skinny dipping in Reflection Lake at Government Plaza, and when I said no, then you asked for a wakeup call.”
“Right, right. Um, I didn’t, did I?”
“Go swimming in Reflection Lake? I’m sure I would have heard if you did.”
“That’s a relief. Hang on.” He turned his head and raised his voice. “Wakeup alarm acknowledged.” The chiming ceased and the banging inside his head dropped a few degrees in intensity. “I had just dropped Rachael at her place when I called you at, what, sixteen-hundred?”
“Just after, and you were pretty looped already. Why didn’t you just go back to the hotel then?”
He rolled off the bed, still wearing his dress whites and shoes, and ordered two glasses of water from the dispenser.
“I didn’t feel all that drunk at the time.” He drained both water glasses quickly, and ordered another. “But I think I got arrested for something, because I definitely remember a cop holding onto me at some point, or me holding onto him, maybe.”
“That was Tommy Pohlhouse. I told my people to keep an eye out for you, and he found you in some dive over by the produce warehouses, and drove you back to the hotel.”
“Oh yeah. Oh gods.” He guzzled the third glass, and then stumbled toward the bathroom. “I think I got engaged at that dive.”
“Hopefully she won’t remember any more than you do.”
“Yeah, hopefully. Hang on.”
He fumbled with the fastenings on his trousers and tried to aim, but he could barely see the bowl, so he sighed, dropped his pants and sat down to urinate.
“You still there, Paladin?”
“Sure, Emma, more or less.”
“What on earth were you drinking, and how much?”
“Whisky, and a lot, apparently. We had at least six at the Poltroon before Rachael made me take her home. After that it was just a pub-crawl. Gods, do I need a bacon sandwich.”
“You’d better get a move-on then, if you plan on making it to the space station before the Sturm takes off.”
“Oh, right, right. I bought a ticket to Carribea, didn’t I?”
“That’s what you said, your fishing shack on Carribea. When did you buy a fishing shack on Carribea?”
“I didn’t, I just lease it once in a while when I want to get away.”
“So how long do you think you need to get away for this time?”
“I don’t know, honey, I really don’t.”
“I thought you were going to get drunk and figure it all out, the transfer, dealing with VonSlack, the rest of your life, and everything.”
He chuckled softly, stood, and pushed his shoes and trousers off and onto the floor. “I probably did, and as soon as I wake up I’ll remember the details. Are you going to come visit me at the fishing shack?”
“I might if you’re there long enough, and I’m invited, uh, as long as you don’t make me fish.”
“I hardly ever do myself, but I’ll keep in touch.”
Emma sighed. “Yeah, you do that. If you remember to, call me before you leave the system, okay?”
“Will do. And thanks for looking after me, Em.”
“Not a problem. Talk to you later.”
The connection ended, and Paladin removed his tunic, then panicked briefly before he found the MOH, the ribbon wound neatly around it, tucked into the hip pocket of the trousers. He stood a long time under the shower, then he dressed in civvies, cleaned and folded his uniform into his luggage, and packed the rest of his gear.
Just before he checked out of the hotel, he ordered a bacon sandwich and two more glasses of water from the dispenser, and ate slowly while he sat on the bed looking out at the greenspace and exercising his eyes. He savored the smoky taste of the sandwich, a semblance of calm returning to his stomach with each bite.
His vision came back in slow stages, and by the time he got to the cable car platform he could see as clearly as he had the day before. He sat down in the car and pulled out his pad, but then two more passengers got in and sat across from him, so instead of speaking to Rachael, he left her a text saying thanks for a lovely afternoon, and promising not to let her drink gin the next time they went out.
The Sturm sat fixed to a docking port at the space station, along with fifty other ships of various sizes. It was a freighter with a small passenger berthing area, based at Longopo, a hundred light years beyond Carribea, where the ship routinely stopped to pick up the herbs and spices that were the second major export of the planet, the other being fish, mostly a large, marlin-like animal with very sweet flesh.
Carribea had only one land mass big enough to contain a town of any size, and Carribea City sat on that one land mass, along with Carribea Air and Space Port, Carribea City Seaport, and Carribea’s only luxury resort hotels, a dozen of them, spaced evenly along the planet’s longest stretch of sandy beach. In fact it was just about the planet’s only sandy beach, because apart from Carribea City’s twenty-thousand square kilometer almost-continent, the rest of the dry land was in the form of thousands of small, rocky and mountainous islands scattered across the global sea. Tiny and reasonably priced vacation spots were plentiful out amongst these islands, and were very popular owing to the planet’s moderate temperatures and weather patterns.
The spaceship itself was like most other freighting vessels, with a command module at one end, containing the jumpdrive engines and flight deck as well as the crew’s quarters, and eight passenger cabins. The rest of the ship was not much more than a long, wide, steel shelf on which cargo containers were stacked. The Sturm’s containers were then offloaded, emptied of their cargo, and filled with desert sand, and replaced by the space station’s freight handling equipment for the return trip to Longopo. The ship stopped again at Carribea en route, where the sand was offloaded for the luxury hotels’ beach, which tended to wash away quickly in the high tides caused by Carribea’s four large moons.
Even by starship standards, the Sturm’s passenger cabins were tiny, but the fare was comparatively tiny as well so no one complained, and passengers took their meals with the crew on the utilitarian but comfortable mess deck. The 500-light-year trip was short, just over 24 standard hours at full jumpdrive, so it was no arduous journey for anyone, least of all a 60-year military starship veteran. Paladin tossed his kit on the rack in his cabin, and headed for the galley.
It was still half an hour until pushback, so he gurgled rich black coffee, another Carribea product grown on the steep mountainsides of the northern islands and rarely exported, from a huge urn into a thick mug, and sat at a table to check his messages and call Emma.
“Hi! Feeling any better?”
“Tip top, thanks. We’ll be out of here in a few minutes.”
“Glad you made your flight. Did you hear from your betrothed yet?”
“From my …?” He frowned, and then laughed. “Not yet, but I don’t remember even kissing her, so I don’t think I can be held to an unsealed deal.”
“You were so drunk you asked her to marry you, but you didn’t even kiss her?”
“Well, in fact she asked me.”
“I don’t find that at all surprising. You’re a real charmer, even sloppy drunk.”
“More so, at least in my own opinion. That’s why I have sworn off strong drink forever.”
“Have you? Is this a week-long forever or a year forever?”
“Right now my stomach is telling me a year, but I’ll be on the island staying just three kliks from Brown Eyed Jenny’s Tropical Seafood and Rum Café so it might be a short year.”
“I’ll bet. Anymore thoughts on what you’re going to do about the transfer?”
“Yes, I decided not to decide anything for at least a week. I just got a message from Rachael Heinschloss saying VonSlack ordered my medical leave extended indefinitely yesterday, pending a full physical evaluation.”
“Sounds like he’s playing hardball.”
“It does, especially since I’ve had three full physical evaluations in the past six months. So I’m just going to lay low for a while. Hell, if worse comes to worst, I can take the Academy billet and just hang around New Cairo for the rest of my life.”
“Being as big a pest as you possibly can to VonSlack while you’re about it?”
He chuckled. “You know me too well, little girl.”
“I so do, mister.”
“I’d better let you go. I just felt the aft docking clamps release.”
“Okay, you take care, Paladin. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, honey, but you know where I am when you need a break from playing cops and robbers.”
“I’ll message before I drop in.”
“You do that. Bye.”
“Bye.”
The galley cook came out and nodded to him.
“Hi, there. We’ll be getting underway in a couple minutes so I gotta take the cup.”
“You bet. Love your coffee.”
“Thanks.” He smiled and then looked closer. “You’re Commander Paladin, ain’t you? I’ve seen you on this run before.”
A soft but insistent strobe light flashed, and the push back warning bell rang.
“Yep. Jonesy, right?” He smiled when the man beamed. “I never forget a man who can make over easy eggs and not break the yolks. You still do that, right?”
“The crew would mutiny if I didn’t. Same with the creamed chipped beef on toast.”
“Gods, yes! True shipboard SOS cannot be duplicated by any machine, anywhere, any time.”
The man grinned broadly and backed toward the galley door. “I’ll see you at supper, sir.”
“Thanks, Jonesy.”
Paladin got back to his cabin just in time to sit on the soft but narrow rack and grab the handholds as repellor engines turned gravity inside out, magnified it, and sent the ship racing away from New Cairo’s sun at near-light velocity. Once free of the sun’s gravity well, the jumpdrives kicked on, sending the familiar, myoclonic-jerk like twitch up Paladin’s spine, and the ship zipped through the non-space that both did and did not exist along the folded edges of true space, eating up light years as fast as a New Cairo cable car puts kilometers behind it.
This is going to be a GREAT story! Make sure that monkey makes it into the final draft for Scarlet!
Thank you for posting this!
Monkey? Oh yeah, right. That guy really needs to find a better way to stash his piece too. Just saying. Yikes!
Wow, this is goooood. Thank you, Dev!
I didn’t even notice the gun. I was looking at the monkey. Mae West wouldn’t even have to question his intent, would she.
Me too, Cindy. Saw the monkey but not the gun. Hmm, if it was a paddle instead of a gun, I wonder if anyone of us would have spotted it.
I bet you a dollar HE would have! LOL
Great story! Looking forward to reading more!
Dev, good morning.
Great story, I do hope that pistol wasn’t loaded, notoriously unreliable those old guns, could do himself a real nasty, and ruin his prospects.
You do like to throw in the odd rare word, myoclonic, really! (Is there a doctor in the house.)
Waiting for the next episode.
Warm
Paul
A wonderful snippet, Dev, can’t wait to read the finished book! Did you have to do research the hangover very intensively?
Another sci-fi
. Wonderful teaser, Dev. My dad used to call it SOS, only he didn’t actually use those letters. Want me to tell everyone want it stands for? 
Yes please.
Thank you, no, Kaki. SOS stands for ‘stuff on a shingle,’ at least as far as this blite is concerned.
I am not your dad, and neither are you, young lady.
Thanks very much, everyone. I’m very glad you like this, vanilla as it is. Still, it did manage to get slightly risqué with the picture I found, although that was entirely unintentional. (Good one, by the way, Cindy.
)
Paul, a ‘myoclonic jerk’ is what I’ve heard those things called, the twitch you get when you’re just about to go to sleep and you feel like you’re falling, and your body jerks and wakes you up.
dd, I have been researching the hangover response for many, many years.
Not to be a pedant but…this doesnt sound much like a swash buckling pirate story. Is Paladin a kiddie pirate entertainer then? Or one of the Pirates from the Carabean Disney set?
I was expecting a Jack Sparrow type pirate.
Paladin is in fact a pirate hunter, and no, I didn’t write any Jack Sparrow types for this one, Jay. It’s pirate romance of a very different sort.
Nice work if you can get it
hic! hic! hic! Another form of myoclonic jerks, although it sounds more like an insult, “you’re a b****y myoclonic jerk”, slips off the tongue really easily. A girl could easily storm out of the room while her Top is still looking it up in the dictionary!
Oh.
Well…I guess I could get used to a Pirate Hunter type. Does he have a flinklock pistole?
That first adjective would be enough to get you into trouble with me, dd, even if I didn’t know what the second one meant, and then you’d think storm.
Neuronic destabilizer pistole.
Good grief! Long John Silver is rolling in his grave. Davey Jones has turned in his locker and Captain Barbossa is disinclined to acquiesce to your request.
Well it does say “VERY sort of” in the title.
And don’t be trying to fob me off with pretty boxes all tied up with ribbons.
How about I fob you off with a sore, red hiney, hm? :waits:
Gulp!
Great story Professor, can’t wait to read more.
So, that really was a dream, yeah? At the first where the surgeon was installing new eyeballs. Because I gotta tell you, that made me a little nervous.
Hi Cindy. Sleep good?
Wrong email, dang it…bare with me.
Accio Desk!
Accio Penny!
Dang it. I’d have even settled for Dobby.
Yes, JAY, I slept well, just not long enough. How about you? You having a good day?
Really don’t know where those asterisks came from, Dev. I will have to have words with my spell check, it should have read “you’re having a burpy myoclonic jerk” and I would then storm out of the room in my haste to find him appropriate indigestion remedies and a glass of water.
Meh, I supose so. I have enchalitas ready to go for dinner tonight so thats sorted.
This’ll make you laugh though…had a man come today to fix my telly an at the same time a man came to fix my radiator….the rad man needed a stick to poke at something down the back of the rad an me without thinking grabbed the first stick like thing I could think of……..my smoked Dragon Cane!!!
The tv man called it a ‘naughty stick’ an laughed when I blushed. I couldnt put it away fast enough!
Ok, the part about the cane didn’t make me laugh so much as shudder. But I am agog at the fact that there are still people out there that come to your home to fix your television. I don’t think anybody does that around here anymore. You just throw it out and get a new one. What did he do? Replace the tubes? Fix the vertical hold?
And is your car in your bedroom or is your bedroom in the garage? Because the other day you mentioned that a man rousted you out of bed to fix your radiator and I was confused.
What does your Mom think that cane is for?
I have a walking stick/cane that looks like it came from a hedge tree. It has spikes all over it. That wouldn’t be a dragon cane, would it? It couldn’t be. That thing would kill you. Good weapon though, I imagine. I found it somewhere and thought it was intersting so it went in with the other hand made walking sticks I’ve collected over the years.
I don’t THINK so, but thanks for asking.
Jay will tell you better but I think a dragon cane is a little bigger and nastier than the rest. The closest I come to a cane is the candy variety at Christmas.
I have felt the kiss of a mini blind stick.
No, Sir, we’re not.
The radiator is afixed to the wall and keeps my room warm. It’s part of the central heating we have.
The cane is not for walking with but for whacking with and looks a little like this http://www.flickr.com/photos/55098555@N05/5261451583/
And I don’t know what my mam thinks…I have told her that Tony and I are in a book club.
I know! And that scares the crap out of me, Kaki! That sucker would stink like far.
Doh! I wasted my weekly use of the “C” word on that!
SORRY, DEV! DIDN’T MEAN TO! And it shouldn’t count, but that’s not going to happen. I tried to get it back but it was too late.
Well, let’s see. So it was the cable guy, not a TV repairman. Ok, that makes sense.
Oh, THAT kind of radiator!
That steam heat is the best kind.
Still hatin on the cane, but thanks so much for the visual.
Book Club! That’s BRILL, Jay!
That mini blind stick would STING too!
That’s charming that the Flicker owner has those great bird pictures mixed in amongst the torture instruments.
That barbed wire flogger didn’t look too nice.
I was sure that’s what you meant to say.
Gracious! That is quite a collection, Jay. Well, just the one dragon cane would be quite a collection.
Yes, Cindy, it counts.
:crabby:
Thems Bluetits, Robin Redbreast, oooh and he has some new toys mmmmm those look scrummy.
Dev, loved the story! Thanks for giving us a snippet. I imagine we are going to be chasing space pirates, which sounds very exciting. I am with Cindy about the eyeball removal, btw, so hope that isn’t going to be a recurring dream.
I love the name Paladin. I think the fact that he has a pet monkey is absolutely charming, and I would like to know why he wasn’t mentioned in the story. I would have thought while Paladin was getting dressed and packed at the least he could have cut up a banana for his pal and put a little hat on him for the trip.
I am in awe of your ability to tell us a story without any scoldings or spankings in it. You must have decided we are very good girls after all, and don’t need any more cautionary tales.
Is Emma going to be terribly naughty, though, like our Emma? If so, you may need to write some spankings in here.
I forgot to be just Scarlet again.
Jay, you made me laugh with the book club explanation. Do you tell her you use the cane to mark your place in the book? Or is it a pointer to illustrate diagrams explaining plot lines? Your mom sounds very sweet, and very gullible.
I am very frightened of the photograph. If someone waved such an implement at me, I would be good for ages, or at least until I thought there was no chance of my being caught being anything else. You are a very brave girl.
Actually, the cane is usually in Tony’s toy bag which lives in his boot…he just forgot to put it away last week…or something.
Oh, has he noticed that it’s gone?? This is your big chance! Hide it. Or burn it.
Remember the mantra: Deny, deny, deny!
You get me?
You were in Joliet at the time…….
Never mind, different scenario.
Well, Just Scarlet, how are you today?
Is your day going well for you? Are you finished being busy for awhile?
I don’t know how you did it, I sure do don’t.
My bug lady just came so I have to get out of the house for a bit. Be Back Later.
Ah! A Top In Boots he is.
Yeah…or something! Just like BBH “forgot” to put the paddle away so tucked it under my pillow, where it is still residing over three weeks later, hmmm.
I have been requested to order a dragon cane, Jay, but don’t think I’ll be asking the name of your supplier. The one we have is just fine, in a relative sort of way, no need for excess. BBH should be proud of my frugality
Ok. This is very disappointing. First I am not a good heroine and now I am not a good pirate or wench.
“Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You’re musical, and you’ve got a certain style if not flair. You’ll never do. Phhhbbbtttt!”
I wanted to be a mean, nasty piratess.
m
I don’t like these names I was given.
1. First mate grace the wimp
2. Pirate Roxanne the egghead
3. Churlish idle-headed lout!
4. Jarring urchin-snouted haggard!!
5. Nice Jenny Cash
No matter what I entered, the names were not acceptable. I do not like this game.
I don’t even know where Joilet is. And its MY CANE not Tony’s. You should have seen his face when I bought it at the LAM…thought he was gonna fall over I did.
I will not be burning any toys…or hiding them for longer than a minute or past when Tony starts counting.
http://www.jacksfloggers.co.uk/ There you go, just in case BBH is interested.
I doubt very much if jack remembers me…we met breifly at the LAM, but I am a big fan of his work.
Hey, my first attempt came up with Dirty Jenny Flint. I didnt know wether to
or 
So does this count as lying or cheating, because apparently i was not the only one that fibbed a little and tried to get a decent name?
Neither. (Cos both of those are spankable offences, don’t admit to them dafty.) We are something really clever and posh…..like a Slytherclaw or a Ravenin??
Scarlet, that isn’t Paladin’s picture at the top of the post, that’s his step-brother, Lionel. Paladin isn’t much for pets, I’m afraid, and thinks a sidearm should be carried at one’s side and not at one’s, well, not side. And if you will search back a page or so to the first snippet I posted, you will be reminded what sort of girl Emma is. Yes, that was back when Paladin’s name was Cameron. He has adjusted quite well to the change, and to the new eyes. That issue is addressed further in the book, but I don’t dwell on the operation.
Bree, my name too was not terribly exciting so I chose to ignore it.
Jay, I do like the idea of the book club. I hope mine are prominently featured.
And Cindy, I know you are out avoiding contact with bug spray and I’m glad, but I will remind you of what happens to girls who encourage other girls to be naughty, e.g., burning or hiding implements. What happens is they wind up with sore, red hineys as well.
dd, ‘frugality’ is not a recognized defense for disobedience. In case you wondered.
bree, you can be Mad Queen Charlotte. I hereby christen you. (Is that better?)
Hi girls…Cindy, I’m still terrible busy. I think it will never end. One thing just leads to the next, and the next, and the next.
But if I ever have a minute to breathe, I become convinced the my life and career are in a downward spiral…
Oh man! I don’t mind the rest too much, but those plugs can take a hike into oblivion! I don’t think the
and 
like it.
I was just asking, but glad it is neither.
Thanks scarlet, but I don’t like that one either. I think we are not playing this game anymore anyway. It seems we are playing the cane game not the name game now.
Dev, I will not ignore it. I don’t have to if I don’t want to and you can’t make me.
I thought of using a book club as an excuse, but that wouldn’t work because I hate to read and everyone I know knows that. I use the excuse that I am in a writing club, which is sort of pretty much true.
Not using it is the same as ignoring it, and don’t take that tone with me, young lady. :waits:
At the tone the time will be 4:32 PM. TONE!
Bree. I am sure it is, writing , I will be a good girl, counts as writing.
Jay, I don’t see too many things I want in my home at that site,
thanks for sharing. So happy those canes and plugs are an ocean away. 
They deliver via FedX i believe lol.
Not funny, Bree.
Intriguing story, Dev.
Like Scarlet, as soon as I read the name Emma, I was wondering when she was going to get spanked.
Alice, knowing Emma it probably is in the next paragraph.
We don’t have Fed Ex in the US.
I’m afraid we’ll have to agree to disagree, Dev, on this point, much as it pains me.
I understand your resistance to change, but listen, us bottoms have got to stick together. You all have the upper hand. Well, we need some hand too and the only way for us to get it is through solidarity.
I solemnly swear to always help a homegirl out, yo.
No, no downward spiral! Up, you’re going up! See? Sky up there.
dd, tell BBH the dragon cane factory burned to the ground. Pygmalion is out there right now looking for a site for a new facility.
That should buy you some time.
Ooooh yes you do you fibber! Cos Tom Hanks worked for them an the plane crashed an he an his pal Wilson had to survive on a desert island an then he knocked his tooth out with an ice boot an then he made a raft an esaped but lost Wilson an he got back to america to find that his girl had moved on an had kids or dogs or something so he took the last FedX package with wings on out to the sculpter woman an they lived happily ever after.
Ok. I see what the problem was. I had to change my avatar and change my name. Also a pirate joke is required. So how about one about a parrot, a piratess’s fiercely loyal pet?
The Parrot:
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s’ mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard……….for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
Dev, really? Aw! I thought that it was very funny. I was laughing.
You must admit that joke is very funny? Yes? 
I like your new avatar, bree. And your new name is pretty spiffy too!
Kaki, look what I found for you!
http://www.victoriantradingco.com/store/catalogimages/1a/i17575.html
And then then FedEx went bankrupt and closed their doors in the U.S. and only are located in Great Britain and Europe now.
Takes a deep breath.
Really!?
Thanks Cindy.
(IamexcludingcommasnowbecauseIwanttoignore themtoo.). 
Uh huh.
Well don’t exclude all punctuation and spaces between words or it’s going to make your stuff hard to read!
{You should have learned that at Writing Club}
It depends on what type of mess-age you are sending. Puncuation, funcuation. Ohhh!! That almost sounds naughty but isn’t.
Anybody else want some coffee? Scarlet! I’ve got some new stuff. I think it’s called “Wake the Dead”. Want some?
I thought it was naughty at first too, bree. But this would be the place to try it out, dontyouthink?
Heythiscouldbefun
Jsy,1 qq
Thanks, but I dont drink coffee. Ihaveto leave againbebacklater! Heave Ho!!
Sorry, my dog was licking my fingers (was eating carmel corn) and somehow the comment sent.
Jay, would we fib to you?
Ok. Cindytry itout whileI amgoneand Iwill!checkback*$<later.
I love the Spring Blossom pattern with the butter fly. I wonder how I would look in that hat?
Now THAT is a lovely site. They have Fluffy Bunny hand cream! And. Tea party hat “garnished with plumage!” And a secret chamber mirror and jewelry armoire!
Much better than canes!
I’ve heard that one before, bree. I think it is a great joke.
I shall be talking to jay about misuse of dragon cane!!
I’m not sure about your coffee, Cindy. We’re not going to have to drink it with vampires and zombies, are we?
ARGHHHHHHH! DONT! DO! THAT!
*holds hand over heart an breathes*
No, thanks, Cindy, I drink tea, not coffee. I also just took a short nap.
Hi, Tony. The last time i saw Jay she was dusting the dragon cane for you. keeping it spotless. Not misusing it. At all.
Perhaps you can show her how to use it properly tomorrow, Tony.
It was not misuse! It was completely practical, you should be congratulating her for saving the time a contractor may have charged for aquiring a suitable implement!
Nope, just the usual gang of suspects!
I seem to have spoken on the wrong side, I take it back. What I meant to say is, Tony, she used the naughty stick, not the dragon cane, the radiator man said so. She has the dragon cane keeping her place in The Tamin of the Shrew for your book club tomorrow.
The store is in Kansas City. I try to get to it every season. Their Christmas stuff is wonderful.
Sign up for their catalog!
Tamin?
Oh, yeah.
~shudder~
If you would drink coffee, kaki, you wouldn’t need so many NAPS!
Smartdonkey
Some of you enquired about the pirate book on the other thread, I am working on it! Insatiably curious jnrs on different half term weeks haven’t helped. Additionally, if any of you had stuck to similar spellings or locations…just where precisely was Cynthia kidnapped from, by whom, on who’s request and where did she end up!? Mindy, thankfully, sent me the second half picture free, but, unfortunately, our children can read! BBH is away next week, which should give me time to finish it off! So, a gentle request for patience, please.
I feel your pain……I had a similar problem with the poem, I was constantly double checking the screen and going “huh!!!?”
Dd, take all the time you need. I think you volunteered for quite a confusing job.
I just followed a link to a link to a link and ended up in a London Dungeon. Wow, That’s all i can say. It was dark and scary and there were really frightening things there. I hope the mice eat the breadcrumbs i followed.
At the other site Cindy gave us, they sell fireflies in a jar. I’m going back over there.
Perhaps some you ladies should volunteer to try the dragon instead!
edit:
Perhaps some of you ladies should volunteer to try the dragon instead
Glad someone sympathises!
Scarlet, did you end up in The London Dungeon, a place a jnr insists is fascinating if a bit gruesome or this one, well if you’re curious to follow the article on… http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/884413-slap-and-tickle-are-you-brave-enough-to-submit-to-the-whip
Oh you saw some of the London Dungeons that one can hire……cool aint they, very authentic i think.
I did hear a roumour that THE London Dungeon sometimes hosted kinky events but i didnt have the balls to ask them when I went on the Ripper walk.
Nope, there was a misunderstanding, darling dd. Dev assumed we were talking about our story, but we were really inquiring about HIS story.
So, yeah. You just take allllllll the time you need, dd.
It’s a lovely place, Scarlet. I spend lots of time on that site. Isn’t it just the sweetest?
Gerald Durrell had captured fireflies in “My family and other animals”, a fantastic book and great BBC adaptation.
Oh! I am SO jealous. I want to go on that tour so bad I can’t STAND it.
dd, that was me but I was referring to Dev’s Pirate book, not ours. Take your time, our story is like a fine wine.
Cynthia was kidnapped from her father’s house but her father was given money to keep quiet, Sully kidnapped her by request of Cynthia’s grandmother. I think Sully’s name was the only one that changed. Grandmama was referred to by her different titles.
She was supposed to go to Barbadoes but someone had her in Jamaica.
No thank you, Tony. If it broke on my bottom I would never be able to forgive myself know how attached Jay is to it.
{whiper} I’m sorry, that was me and it was just because I knew a tiny bit about the British govt in Jamaica. Who knew this thing was supposed to ever make sense!
dd, your little ones read this?
Cindy, I love their stuff, they have such pretty teapots. I love teapots, the rose one is out of stock.
Jay’s attached to your bottom? I wonder what charley thinks about that.
They’re a lot more relaxed about this stuff in England, kaki. My friend told me they aren’t as god fearing as we are.
I didn’t want to point fingers, you know what a team player I am.
Are serious, you want to go on a dungeon tour?
At times she may be up my *** but never attached.
Smartdonkey.
no, i want to go on the jack the ripper tour!
Pardon???
Never mind, Jay. I was just poking kaki ann. You didn’t do anything. She’s chasing me.
If you keep disagreeing with me, you certainly will be in pain, missy. :waits:
Thank you, Alice. These shortcuts to establishing character are quite useful, yes.
Oh no they aint. We might not be as god fearing as youse but we fear social services just as much.
Sounds like dd said the jnr insists that the London Dungeon is fascinating, girls, not this place. (The term ‘nine miles of bad road’ leaps to mind here for some reason.)
Nope, did not get that one at all.
Oh, so the London Dungeon is not the same thing as a dungeon in London. Makes perfect sense.
There is a dragon here! We slay dragons. Onward!
:helmet:
Hi Professor. Tony saw your comment about last nights 9 mins ( after i confessed an gave him the link
) He’s still more miffed about the accendently on purpose 15 mins.
BTW, does Beth Trewlany = Scarlet?
I may disagree with you, but I’ll fight to the death for your right to
agree..disagree… I forget how the rest goes, but you know what I mean, k?So, yeah! See?
Huh?
it was a little tiny bit funny
http://www.thedungeons.com/ ~ actual tourist sites.
Which part, kaki?
Kaki, did you get the part about 9 miles of bad road? that must be a Southern thang, right?
Is…is that a space marmoset?
…it is!
(The chapter itself was good space opera, though.)
Not, Cindy. At all.
Uh huh.
Reading back, “Misuse of the Dragon Cane” would be an excellent short story title. I’m thinking Tang Dynasty, a new concubine for a doddering Emperor, an arrogant prince pressing his suit, forbidden romance with a merchant-commoner, a rebellion led by same against the prince…
…oh, and caning. Amidst a world gone mad
With 10,000 Elephants.
Your words are saying, yes, Dev, but your finger is saying no.
I think this is what they call “Mixed Signals.”
I did see Tony’s comment on the other thread, Jay, and I know he has the situation well in hand, along with you.
I never thought of Scarlet as Beth Trelawny, or even a Beth Trelawny type, if there is such a thing. Yes, they both get spanked and they can both be care-givers, but I doubt Scarlet could do as much correcting of bad behavior as Beth does. Why do you ask, Jay?
The ‘nine miles …’ is more just a guy thing, Cindy.
Why of course! I can’t believe I didn’t see it right off the bat. A space marmoste.
Great eye, your Grace.
You better change that part. They’d have to blue screen 10,000 elephants when it gets picked up.
Thanks, Pygmalion. And yes, the marmoset is being fitted for his oxygen suit tomorrow.
All this blood and guts in these dungeons makes me think of when I was recently in a hospital and walking around. I was eav…I mean I overheard this conversation.
This doctor was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man he asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste.” the patient replied. The doctor then asked to see the jelly and the patient produced a foil packet to the doctor. It was “KY” Jelly!
I just don’t like not knowing.
yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
We can just have one elephant charge past the camera 10,000 times. Then we’d only need 10,000 mahouts.
All right then, you’ve obviously got this under control. Call me when you need a gaffer or a best boy.
I must have missed something in the Harry Potter books and/or movies. Beth Trelawny got spanked?
She has a face like nine miles of bad road.
I would go with the 10,000 elephants. They work for peanuts.
You planning on ‘splaing that guy thing, Dev????
Oh, and you need to remember in case you are ever asked that the dragon cane factory burned down and you’re out scouting a new location,ok? thanks.,
Beth Trelawny is a character in the A Maid for All Seasons novels, not Harry Potter. As far as I know.
Oh, that like having a butter face.
That was SYBIL Trelawney. This is Beth in Dev’s Maids books. Since you don’t like to read, you may not know who she is.
That’s Trelawney. And I think her name was Sybill.
Trelawney taught divination.
Elephants prefer bamboo.
Sybill. You are correct mon capitan.
I think if there’s more than one dragon cane it throws the dynasty into question.
…now if only this were a romantic comedy; O! The antics they’d have with the fake cane.
And Sybil was her name-O!
I expect it’s something like that, but I’m not familiar with ‘butter face.’
Who’s on first?
Hey! I read one of Dev’s Maid stories so there Dippity-Do-Head!
Apparently you didn’t pay attention, no wonder you get spanked so much.
I thought scarlet was Captain around here!
She is more of, Queen of Mischief.
I do not remember that name in Maid 1 & 2. refresh my memory.
I do wander when I get spanked and the Tops don’t like it. It seems you are suppose to stay in one place. I need to move otherwise I cramp up.
No! No! She is Captain and Em is Co-Captain. Queen of Mischief is Season on another blog.
She was Michael Swayne’s assistant/girlfriend and also was friends with Lisa. She also spanked Lisa and …., is the light bulb turning on yet?
Well they will work for peanuts and like it. Darn it! (STOMPS FOOT.) I am not running a circus here!
Well they will work for peanuts and like it. Darn it! (STOMPS FOOT!) I am not running a circus here! ACTION!
So do the mahouts.
CUT! Now the sound mix it off. There is an echo in here. STRESS!
It always tell me I can’t duplicate a post. Why did it let you post it twice.
Have you got one of those whatchacallit buttons back there.
Well, Season isn’t around here all the time and we NEED a Queen, for heaven’s sake. Who’s doing to show us how to dress???
Fake cane?! Is it made of chocolate?
You can fix the sound in the edit room. You’re losing light and it’s costing you about a billion dollars an hour. Move it.
I’m the Producer. I rank you.
I’m going to watch Once Upon A Time, so you girls play nice. Pygmalion is in charge while I’m gone.
k, have fun!
We don’t have to do what he says though, right?
Phrase: “A bit of a spanking”. Discuss.
Eh, don’t worry about it girls. Pygmalion types r e a l l y r e a l l y s l o w .
He won’t be able to keep up with us!
YYAYAYYAYYAYYAYYAYAYYAYAYAYYAYYAYYAYAYYAYAYYA!
Runs around in circles and collAPSES on the ground.
What? NO! We’ve got a movie to shoot. And we’re going to need some re-writes on that second scene at the rubber band plantation.
Yes! And it was a Wednesday. You know what Wednesday is dontcha?
Ok, Bree is the director. Kaki, can you handle the costume design? Yeah? Great.
…”rubber band plantation”? Now that’s just silly.
Really? REALLY? That’s the direction you want to play this? Are you sure? I’ll make sure you never eat breakfast in this town again.
Ahem. I think you all meant to say that I am SUCH a very good girl that no character who shares my name should ever be spanked. Yes, that must have been it.
Of course, it is, Emma darling. You want a part in the movie? It’s yours.
Green Jello day?
I can always find breakfast, wherever I am. I keep a spare bottle of Wild Turkey in my travel-case.
…oh, and also I can cook my own breakfast. I could probably cook you some, but, being lazy…well. You see how it is.
The dragon cane could a film-within-a-film, but then the 9,999 other elephants are kidnapped and the director and his lovely assistant is forced into a romantic comedy chase.
I remember now. I thought she was called Heidi Spyri.
Yeah, I ain’t paying you to cook, I’m paying you to write. So write.
Look, we can’t have a rubber plantation if we want a PG rating for this baby. So it has to be rubber BANDS hanging from the trees. You get me? It’s not rocket science. You’re supposed to be a writer. WRITE! The Marmoset in the space suit could do it.
Get busy.
Where’s my props director? Can somebody find her for me? Who’s got the Ruddy cane? Jay? Where did she go. Tell her not to lose it.
One movie at a time, brown eyes.
No.
Ooooohhh! Rubber bands! Woosh! Plunk! Woosh! Plunk! Woosh! Plunk!
You ran around in circles or did P Y G M A L I O N?
I think it is past Jay’s bedtime.
I like the idea of a hip Soho bar ambiance. The other one didn’t sound anything like that.
This is not fiction Em.
Kaki, I told you not to dress the elephants in tutus. This is not a Desney film!
Geezzzzz!!
Sorry I meant Disney. The is a Devilu production.
Ok. Fifteen minute break while the elephants are defrocked!
Bree blows her director’s whistle.
MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE…
I did. It was me. I feel like, I remember seeing clips of Gilda Radner on Saturday night Live when she played that little girl who was just INSANE and would run around and just fall down in a heap.
Judy Miller. The Judy Miller show.
Yeah, that’s how I feel 75% of the time.
Thank you, your breeness!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
CLASSIC
That’s going in the Blooper Reel.
Well, I certainly hope he doesn’t break that cane tomorrow. It’s the only one we’ve got.
Cindy? What is your title postion in this movie venture? Are you one of the producers? If so I guess this is a DeviCind production then.
Don’t shoot those rubber bands at the elephants. have you ever seen an elephant stampede? It isn’t pretty.
I like the direction this sort of a movie is taking, but you people clearly need some help with plot development. All we have right now is kind of a general idea, a cane and some safari animals.
We need characters and back story! On the double!
Okay, Toppy Safari guy first:
Finn Malarkey, expat American who was once a big game hunter, but now leads photographic tours of Kenya. He is an expert in Big Cats. Of course he came to Kenya permanently after he found his wife had had an affair with his best friend, and that the child he thought was his, well, isn’t. He now keeps a safe distance from the women he loves to dally with and discipline on their three week trips through wild animal country.
Someone write the female lead. Pygmalion? I think you’re up to this.
I need the costume designer! Stat!
Sorry, that and the circus elephant attire was all I could think of on such short notice.
Yes, I am a Producer. I Produce. Yes indeed. It’s my job to make sure you don’t go over budget.
I’m not sure what Devlin’s exact title is. Maybe Screenplay by Pygmalion, based on the novel by Devlin O’Neill.
We’ll let the ‘Titles’ editor worry about that.
Darn it, I forgot about the rubber band plantation. Somehow they have to end up there.
Got it! There will be some kind of diabolical kidnapping plot toward the end, and it will turn out our heroine is a rubber band heiress (unbeknownst to Finn) and he will of course have to save her from the diabolical members of Unknown, so named for their deeply anonymous acts of heinous heroine snatching in movie after movie.
I was shooting them at P Y G M A L I O N and you and Kaki. Kaki is asleep again.
The female lead is Miss Iavelina Posterior, recently expelled from Oxford Women’s College for malfeasance and witch-craft, now come to Kenya to escape her creditors in the Deepest Jungles, whence her grandfather’s secret cache of stolen gold is buried. She hires Finn Malarkey to take her on a tour, but of course he is immediately suspicious when she seems to know exactly where she’s going…
You called, your royal caffeine-addict?
We have a budget? What do you pay the script consultant?
You are welcome your windiness.
Now we’re getting somewhere! This is what we needed all along. A CREATIVE director.
Not a director that is creative, bree. You’re the Director. Scarlet is the Creative director. And maybe Story Editor, althought that would be a good job for dd too, if only she didn’t have to ever sleep.
Carry on.
Ahhh, I knew you could bring us somewhere delectable, and in a hurry.
Carry on…
Camel day.
The Nemo Fund, villains and lady-takers.
What’s the organization from the 007 movies???
Or was it Get Smart?
We need some outfits for Finn, and on the double. Something khaki colored, and maybe a vest, and some of those work boot things that Cindy wears on the farm, and some photographic equipment.
And a belt. Ask Pygmalion where that comes in.
It wasn’t exactly the same.
Rockport makes a nice black boot. I’m partial to well worn, but polished Doc Martens. Oo. Steve Madden makes some good ones too.
Your job is HARD, Kaki, but I know you’re up for it.
Lots, sweetheart, don’t worry about it. Your pay is more than covered. And worth every penny.
What?
Huh?
I thought we were only using one elephant, does one elephant running constitute a stampede?
Now, we know that Finn is attracted to (wait–scroll up for that name again) Iavelina (really, Pygmalion?) from the very beginning, but he finds her attitude off putting, to say the least. Iavelina thinks she knows the kind of man Finn is, and in a word, she doesn’t like that kind. She is a feisty kind of girl, who wears glasses so that no one suspects she is beautiful. Somewhere mid-film, she will remove her glasses and let her hair tumble down (of course in a rough embrace from Finn) and the audience will gasp to see that she is a stunning woman. Who knew?
I love Gilda Radnor, one of the few biographies I read.
Oh this is good. I see Best Picture written all over this. If a silent movie can win it, we sure as hail can.
We need a rogue lion. Who’s the animal handler? Between rogue lion (named Rogue, fittingly) and the 10,000 elephants, someone better be the animal person.
I think this movie needs a spanking in it.
m
[Exterior Jungle - Day (Sepia Tone)]
SUBTITLE: 1829
Lord Posterior and beautiful Patsy Iamb are burying a large quantity of gold. Patsy is doing most of the digging.
Lord Posterior: Ha-HA! That tribe never knew what hit them. And now we have their gold! [twirls mustache]
Patsy Iamb: But won’t they… [dig, dig, dig, stops to wipe sweat off brow] …take ‘orrible revenge?
Lord Posterior: We’ll be long gone by then! What could possibly go wro–?
[hail of errors, fade to black]
Scene 2
[Exterior - Day, Kenyan quayside]
SUBTITLE: 1922
Miss Iavelina Posterior steps off a passenger freighter and pulls out a yellowed map. She sighs, with anticipation.
There has to be a separate group of hunters, out to kill Rogue. He has a reputation as the most dangerous lion in Kenya, so there’s a huge price on his head. Finn feels an affinity (ahem) for Rogue, sensing that the two of them have something in common. He vows to protect him, and consistently drives his jeep full of tourists between the hunters and their prey. This causes some dangerous situations.
See?? SEE??? This is why you were my first choice for screenwriter.
Do we LOVE this guy? Look at that face! That’s the face the Academy will LOVE next year.
Ok, back to it.
I hate it when there is no chaos!
007 was opposed by SMERSH and, later, SPECTRE; Get Smart CONTROL vs. KAOS (how clever!)
Exellent!! I knew you were the man for the job! Love the year. Kaki, you’re going to love doing these costumes.
It’s pronounced “Javelina”. Finn says “Lina”.
Gosh, Pygmalion. That’s pretty good. How did you do that?
CONTROL
How about the Man from UNCLE?
Thank God. I can remember Lina.
ohhh, I like it. I’d pay to see it.
What happened to the props guy? Wasn’t she around here earlier? I need a location scout too.
We’re gonna need a bigger boat.
Really? You want to bring a lion into the mix? Maybe that can be the sequel, Katie Scarlet.
It’s called a subplot, Cindy. And we’re going to need more than one. Then we cleverly tie them all together at the end. Or Pygmalion does, anyway.
Rogue is clearly a symbol for the true wild heart of Finn. For careful readers, the lion stands for something bigger than Finn, bigger than Kenya, bigger than all of us.
This is what will make this an Oscar nominated movie. Trust me.
Won’t Dev be so surprised when he comes back? I think he will put Pygmalion in charge of us all the time.
Besides, Rogue is going to play a big part in the climax. When rescuing Lina from The Nemo Group (did I get that right?), somehow the lion will end up in there, and Finn has to kill the very thing he loves, the wild heart of Africa itself, in order to save the girl he loves.
You have to reach into the heart of the audience and rip it out with your bare hands, Cindy. I hope you’re listening, bree. You have to direct this scene very carefully.
I’m seeing Romancing the Stone meets Indiana Jones. I”m seeing, I don’t know, Joe Manganiello for the lead.
Someone see if he’s available……. and if he is call me immediately.
Yes, and Pygmalion is a very lazy Top, by his own admission, Kaki. So this could be a good thing. Not for the blite maybe.
Fades in ……
born free as free as the grass grows …
I know Born Free was from a lion movie but a cat is a cat.
Wild Hear of Africa!!!!!!
ding ding ding ding ding!!!!
I think we have a working title!!!!
Who is that? I have to google him. Be right back.
OH. Lovely.
If he’s not available, maybe Jonathan Rhys Meyers?
Who’s playing Lina? Do we have a meeting with anyone’s people?
Do the words, “but momma that lion just saved your life” sound familiar?
??? what
(bree grabs here director’s riding crop and smacks it impatiently in her hands!) There better be spanking in this storyline because right now it seems like a comedy to me. (I swear I am laughing so hard that I can’t see the screen as so many tears are blurring my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. I am bent over laughing so hard I can’t even catch my breath.) Now I have to redo the storyboards! Darnation!
Details, kaki. Let’s get this road laid!
And I meant, of course Wild HEART of Africa
Yeah if my dogs weren’t already convinced I was crazy, they’d be standing here looking at me.
Oh, that’s good. You make a wonderful Title Editor, Cindy. As well as a very efficient producer!
Rogue is a lion, ain’t he scarlet? Did you change the cat on me? I called the cat people and told them we neeeded a big lion. And a big guy to run him.
He types with 2 fingers, he makes me crazy. But we don’t have a lot of choice.
So what doyou think of my choice for lead actor?
Did Pygmalion go back to the bar? I think he’s going to need an “assistant” to keep an eye on him and make sure he’s writing when he’s supposed to be. I thought I saw him sneaking out the back door of the hotel and getting into a taxi.
Oh my, he is a cutie, we have to make sure he is available. Cindy, it is up to you to do what you need to do to have him star in this movie. Never mind, leave to the grown up women, I’ll take care of it.
We got kind of excited. We’ll clean up the elephant mess later.
WAs YOUR show good?
Kaki, enough with the drinking tonight. Rogue is a lion.
You’ll catch him at the gym. The guy works out twice a day, 6 days a week.
YOu better do it. I’ll just slobber all over him.
Hi Dev! We need some kind of lion emblem for Finn, btw, Kaki. I don’t know what it is. A signet ring with a lion’s crest? A pendant with some kind of African word that means lion on it? We need some more lion symbolism.
Props? Where are you props?
We’ll draw straws, Scar.
We may be going over budget.
Love the guy. Really. Hope he’s available.
Did you see my second choice?
I’ve been looking for the Props girl for an hour. I don’t know her name, but she’s not around. I wonder if Kaki could double up.
sorry, *hic* ‘scuse me. Righto, a lion, got it. *hic* pardon me.
How many posts in that hour you were gone.
Kaki are you listening to scarlet?
Oh, yeah, he was right there at the top of my list too.
either one, I agree. I think we may need to do some intesive auditioning, don’t you?
I told them how surprised you would be, you should leave Pygmalion in charge more often.
awight. awight. I trust your judgement, you’e the creative side of this, so okay.
Just make sure Pygmalion stays on top of it, allright?
Dev, don’t stand still too long, Cindy will give you like a million jobs.
Who is we? Get the mulet people to do it.
84
Well, we obviously need more people. We need someone just to clean up after the darn animals.
I’m exhausted. Let’s head to the den for a beer and a bump.
So far everytime I hear they need someone to do something i hear my name mentioned, I hope I get a cut of the profits.
Nice avatar, bree!
I owuld have expect 10 times that. I’m kind of disappointed.
They were good ones though.
Um, I am not sure about the bump,
I’m a married woman. I am allowed to have a beer though.
I especially love the gold buriers done in by a hail of errors.
Once was quite good, and as usual got me all misty. Some of you girls are going to be misty if no one cleans up after all these wild animals though, I’ll tell you that right now.
Yes, it is very fitting.
If lions are going to be killed in the film, you’ll have to get one of those people from the humane society to stay on the set and ensure that no animals are really harmed during filming. Don’t want to forget that, or there will be all sorts of picketers and protestors at the opening.
:piggy: 
:lamb: :lion: 
I want to hear Kaki sing Born Free again!
I will have a beer! Not so sure about a bump, though.
They were Cindy’s idea and besides she has muck boots.
Just like on Dr. Doolittle.
Em are you volunteering for that?
Em is in charge of doing that, Dev.
Oh, you bet. We’ll want them there even thought we would NEVER kill an animal. It will be acting dead.
Hey, Em, you want to be the animal handler? We need one really bad.
I think dd volunteered to do it in the morning.
1%. Don’t worry. It’s a lot.
Em is our girl!
Cindy, what is a bump? I do not know this term. I hope it doesn’t involve going into dungeons.
I have dailys I have to go through. Ok. THAT’S A WRAP! Goodnight, everyone. You can all relax now if you want and GOOD JOB!
You need a really bad animal handler? Em can be a bad girl, but she’s a really good animal handler.
Yea, but that was in like ten minutes.
I feel sorry for the poor girls tomorrow when they wake up and Mindy when she gets home.
A bump is a small shot of hard liquor taken with your beer to bump up your intoxication level quickly.
Come on! You can step around it for a few minutes, can’t you? Do you have any idea how exhausted we are.
Kaki, peel me a grape.
You really pulled our fat from the fire today, bree!
Great job.
I will be the casting director.
Oh, I am so not in the mood. Do you know how hard it is to produce a movie? I swear, it’s like herding cats.
And that Pygmalion! I’m gonna throttle him. He better have his donkey in his room writing and not parking his donkey in the lobby bar.
Not quick enough.
A Plot: Treasure Map, Angry Villagers
B Plot: A “Man-Eating” Lion, Evil Hunters
C Plot: The Evil Kidnappers, AKA “Patsy Iamb Wants The Gold”
Finale:
…presumably Patsy Iamb works with the Evil Hunters (Chet Goodnik), while Finn and Rogue patch up their differences with the angry villagers to rescue Lina.
(whisper) why do these girls not know these terms? Is it cause I grew up in a pool hall?
Oh, when I do that it also bumps up other things – like from my stomach. I’ll stick to Melon Balls and Fuzzy Navels, thanks.
That’s gold, baby. That’s why you are a GOD amongst screen writers.
We’ll be shooting scenes 4 -10 from B Plot tomorrow. Be ready with re-writes.
There aren’t even pre-writes, yet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ms Delaurentis, you’re sorely put upon, but before you sit your donkey down and eat grapes you need to make sure someone gets all these sound and lighting cables wound up so I don’t trip over them in the dark tonight.
You’ll like it, kaki, this vodka tastes like bubble gum. Here. Salut.
Pool hall?
Well, guess it will all be improv then. Could work.
Can’t you just flip the freaking switch so you can seeeeee? We need to leave these out because we’ll be shooting early in the morning. You might want to keep your bedroom door closed.
Just sayin.
Yes, kaki a pool hall. Do you need me to explain what a pool hall is? I took naps on the pool tables.
details, details.
That was unavoidable.
You’ll at least lock the wild animals up, right? Or should I just walk softly and carry a high caliber rifle? :waits:
Well. What are we gonna do?? We’ve got people signed already. We’ve got crafts lined up. Omigod, they get PAID whether they’re working or sitting. Do you know how much electricians costs?
Oh holy moley. You’ve got to get to work. Dev will help you.
You could have TOLD me!
So it doesn’t involve an actual pool, or were you on a float?
Didn’t you wake up when the balls hit you in the head?
The lion is booked into the Marriott, the elephants are in the park down the block.
You’ll be fine, Gladys. Nothing will eat you during the night.
I feel like an innocent abroad tonight. First I got an education in dungeons and unmentionables, and now I know how to go into a bar and order a beer and a bump! Hooyah!
I will take up poker next.
But I’m off to bed now. Glad to see Pygmalion has been rescued from the Den of Iniquity and is back among the writers at the table.
Night, everybody.
Not as much as the actors. Did you run that guy down, by the way?
Me and Em tied them up already, they are in your guest room, the water fowl are in the tub, just scootch them out when you want to take a shower.
Night Katie Scarlet. Let’s do lunch.
Kisses!
We could always just shoot the 2nd unit stuff. There are at least 5 spanking scenes, and I can write those in my sleep so no one will sit idle. A couple of the actresses may not sit at all afterwards. Pygmalion can go somewhere quiet with a typewriter and a bottle of scotch.
Goodnight, Scarlet.
they played on tables other than the one I was lying on. Usually under a bunch of coats.
Oh, thank god. This is why you are the Executive Producer. You Solve Problems.
You’re The Cleaner.
I just need a little more time with Joe, I don’t think there will be a problem. What do you mean what am I doing with these glasses and bottle of wine? I, er, um, am having Joe audition the love scene a few more times.
Why does MY place always have to wind up as a flipping menagerie?
Yeah, you might want to see how afraid he is of the lion too, kaki.
Thanks for being such a team player. I knew we could count on you.
Night, Scarlet.
~shrug~ cause it’s your place.
You’ve got the place for it.
We don’t make the rules you know.
Scarlet’s going to go tell Roman she can now order a beer and a bump and he’s not going to let her come play with us anymore.
Are we a bad influence, do you think?
It’s better than what I thought you had in mind. Maybe he will just spank her.
I’m going to get another beer. Kaki? Dev?
I brought some Blue Fin Stout you might find interesting.,
Some of us are, Cindy, yes.
Since the director or producer or slave driver, whatever term Cindy is going by, wants to start bright and early I will be crashing on your couch, thanks, I knew you wouldn’t mind. You don’t mind if I take the blankets and pillow off your bed do you?
Sure. Sounds a bit fishy, but all right.
hahahhahah. I didn’t make it up, kaki. it’s an old saying.
You always look at me when you say stuff liek that. What’s that supposed to mean?
Yes, I mind! There are blankets in the closet, for Pete’s sake!
I’ll give it a try.
snort
Shipyard brewery outta Maine. They might have a division down your neck of the woods.
Cindy, you don’t make them, follow them, or even know what rules are most of the time.
I wonder which “some” of us he is referring to?
My Final Draft computer is back home, or I’d bust it out over Wild Turkey. I’ll make an outline, at least.
they make a Longfellow Winter Ale that is a cross between a porter and a Scottish Ale.
It’s differnet.
me and you, probably.
Whichever some of us mentioned a beer and a bump to begin with, Kaki. I hadn’t thought of that term in 30 years.
Well, I appreciate that, Pygmalion, I do. Want to take the lion home to watch over you while you work?
Cause we’re paying this lion.
No pressure.
Well, when Pete gets here he can get the ones out of the closet. I already have mine, they are nice and warm, almost like someone was sleeping with them, the pillow smells like men’s after shave.
You want a beer? It’s not a Flat Tire, but it’s an amusing little beer.
There you go. Outline and improv. We can sort it out in the edit.
I think it was kaki ann.
he’s still thinking.
SO wrong! Go to bed, Cindy.
I
am getting mighty tired, 
Cindy had me running in ten different directions this evening, 
then she give me beer. 
Now I am sleepy and will have 
to wee all night. 
No, no: “We’ll fix it in post.” Let’s get into the proper spirit, here.
I’ve found that I just work better when I don’t find out the rules till after I break them.
I’m sleeping in the big puffy chair. Kaki, give me one of those warm quilts. I thought it was supposed to be warm in the south.
What time did you tell Pete to come.
no
All right, that was last call, for me anyway. Cindy, you’ve been yawning for half an hour, so go get some sleep. Kaki, you’ve been peeling grapes all afternoon, so you finish what you’re doing and turn in too. Pygmalion, I have no idea what time it is where you are, but I expect it’s Wild Turkey time anyhow, so have fun, and remember to leave ‘em laughing.
I am off to bed, buoys and gulls. Night, all.
I HIT REPLY TOO FAST!
I meant Noooooot right now, I have some work I have to do. I’ll get to it pretty soon, k?
You going to bed?
Yeah. That.
Night, Dev, pleasant dreams.
Nighty night, Dev, leave the night light on so I don’t trip over anything.
So, what time is the crew coming in the morning, kaki? did you keep track? I hope bree kept the story boards in order.
Now I’m hungry. I know Dev doesn’t keep any food around. Wanna order pizza or chinese?
Not me kiddo, I think we start at like 4 or 5 in the morning, you want to crash on the sofa with me, I took both pillows of Dev’s bed so you can have one, we’ll share the blanket. Best get to sleep.
Goodnight, Cindy, Pygmalion. Mindy, I hope you have a good day at work.
…storyboards? Just point the camera at the jungle and let the lion loose.
Just shove the villagers out in front, right? Aw, well as long as the SPCA doens’t have a problem with it, who am I to judge.
But I’m hungrrrrrrry
No, no, the villagers are chasing the protagonist and dame, then you release the lion as they close in. The villagers flee, leaving the two to their fate. OH NO! Enforced Method Acting!
…cut right before the lion eats the hero, then splice in the next scene where they are good buddies from before, after briefing the lion.
This is going to take some tricky camera work. But I know a guy.
The lion is good, I’ve worked with him before. He’ll do his part.
This is really coming together. And some of that is due to your hard work and your total ability to think outside the box.
You and Dev will receive a lot of credit for this work. A LOT of credit.
Note to Producer Cindy: I am going to a seminar in the morning to buy and learn how to use the Axx Cam. It is new technology that I just learned about from B&T Productions and it will be perfect for those five spanking scenes Executive Producer Dev talked about. Wait! Five spanking scenes?! I only have three in my story boards! UGGHHH!!! We will discuss this when I get back. The Co-Director is going to have to take over in the morning. Four or five AM! You have got to be kidding me. I never agreed to that. Well, doesn’t matter the Co-Director will take that time slot. Carry on and good luck. Director Bree.
I’m beginning to suspect that this movie may have too many subplots, but we can streamline. Let’s use the “Spanking Base Pair Formula”.
Five spanking scenes:
Finn Malarkey spanks Iavelina [Lina] first, because she fires his elephant gun (by accident), barely missing Rogue the lion (but also scaring away
Finn Malarkey spanks Lina again, in a very sexy scene, after she confesses her quest and that she lied to him &c &c and they love each other aww
MEANWHILE after the villains join forces against the hero and heroine, Chet Goodnik (evil hunter) spanks Patsy Iamb (gold bug) because they’re EVIL LOVERS (& Lovers of Evil).
Patsy Iamb spanks Iavelina Posterior because she tries to escape.
[Angry Villagers lead Finn to the secret hideout. Exciting fight scene between Finn and Chet. Chet forswears evil, retreats in shame.]
Angry Villagers spank Patsy Iamb for being EVIL.
Gold distributed to hungry masses, next adventure begins just past the sunset!
I re-read this from the beginning and still laughed myself sick. There’s a few people I’d like to thank.
Kaki, you are the best straight man I’ve ever seen. Your timing is impeccible.
Scarlet is the most creative Creative Director. Anyhwere. Ever.
Bree, your direction kept us on our tippy toes. Best Director nomination coming your way. Love ya. Mean it.
Pygmalion? What can I say?
And Dev. Where would we be without you and your home. In the street, that’s where we’d be.
That’s my Academy speech for next year.
I wonder if Mindy would be willing to take on the roll of 2nd Unit director. And help with props, costumes and animal control.
Jay, when you get your skinny donkey out of bed, get on those prop lists. And if Tony breaks that cane, your donkey belongs to me.
Well, that’s all for tonight folks.
Mindy and dd, enjoy.
Uh huh, uh huh. That might put us over the spank limit for an R rating. Are any of these over the clothes? That could maybe get us a waver.
An NC17 rating could kill us. I dont’ know of a movie winning best picture with this rating.
I guess we can fix it in post.
Carry on!
There is no “spank limit”. That’d just be silly. But the first and last scenes may be over the clothes, the first because it’s a romantic lead-up to the second, and the last because it is humorous.
Toss a montage and some evil scheming in there and “Kenya Spank Me?” is ready for filming. Improvise the dialogue, you’re actors, aren’t you? My work here is done.
Also, I’m out of Wild Turkey.
Wow! The creative juices were really flowing last night. Very entertaining.
Scarlet, here’s the lion emblem you’re looking for. :lion:
Ya’know, for a ‘never been spanked’ girl…your pretty boulshy! Perhaps you should calm down methinks.
What the heck did you mean by ‘skinny donkey’?? Tony’s reading this with me and he is NOT impressed. Ooooh dear…..bless your little cotten socks..you’ve done it now.
Mindy, you are so in charge of props! Perfect!
jay, define “boulshy.” New word.
Tha things i learn here! Off to have a coffee and a bump!
(in the morning, a bump means a shot of OJ. Just so we’re clear.)
Good morning, all. Glad we have the shooting script all blocked out.
I don’t have to be here for the actual filming, do I? 
Scarlet, try ‘bolshy’ – rebellious and hard to manage.
That does kinda describe Cindy, doesn’t it?
This is why I suggest she change from Pepsi at night to hot cocoa. 
Ah, bolshy! Didn’t know that one either. Thanks, Dev.
It doesn’t surprise me that YOU would know that word.
Kaki, you’re doing a great job with Cindy and the hot cocoa. Keep up the good work.
That sort of word is my stock in trade, although I don’t think I ever used it to describe anyone. I would be more likely to just say rebellious and hard to manage.
Cindy, no more personal remarks of that kind please. Thank you. I mean it.
We would say that Boulshy means too big for your briches or puffed up.
That would work too, but we’re not doing that anymore today, are we, Jay?
I ‘m not puffed up. Even in the morning. I’m not bossy either, my ideas are just better.
Sorry, Jay, about the skinny donkey remark. Dev won’t let me use the other word for donkey. And you know I’m just jealous because you’re tall and thin. Tell Tony I said ‘sorry’, okay?
I told her down below I was sorry. I am sorry. Don’t be mad, okay? I got carried away.
You know, a small shot of whiskey would bump the caffeine level up some too!
Very good.
And it’s working, Kaki, have you noticed? We went to bed really pretty early last night!
Not bossy?
I don’t think I’m bossy. Do I seem bossy to you?
Good Morning!
Ok,I’ll work on that too.
I don’t think so, Cindy, and though I know Scarlet never would take that advice, I’m afraid you might want to try it, just to see what happens, only you won’t if you know what’s good for you, young lady.
Lol, Cindy we was only teasing……Tony got the ‘donkey’ thing before i did.
Look Professor, I’m being ever so good.
Better listen to him, Scarlet.
Jay, it took me a minute or two wondering why she kept calling people a jack donkey.
Cindy, I started to go to bed but decided I better put my anti virus thing on my computer, it expired back in November. I thought if I waited long enough Charley would do it.
Bolshy, sounds like something someone would say while pretending to sneeze.
Cindy, I always listen to Dev. It’s one of my sterling qualities.
And a shot in my coffee in the morning sounds nauseating. I’m sure it would give me a great burst of energy until around ten a.m., and then I’d have one of two choices: keep drinking, or get back in bed and take a morning nap. Anyone over the age of two should not have a morning nap. Afternoon naps are a different thing.
And if you start drinking in the morning and keep drinking in the afternoon, you are one short paper bag away from life on the streets. I don’t even think Roman could spank me enough for that one. I think Dev has dealt with this problem in some of his books, though. See him for further instructions.
And last, you are NOT bossy! I won’t let anyone say so. You are creative and DECISIVE, which a great producer must be. Also very free with the compliments.
hmmm, you could be on to something, Kaki.
Thank you!
I was just sitting here trying to figure out how one becomes less bossy. The only thing I could think of is not to talk at all.
I can’t do it, Scarlet. It’s just not in me. It’s why I can’t golf. Cause they woulnd’t let me talk. It’s a stupid game anyway. Hit a ball, walk, walk, walk.
Plus, I was always getting the golf cart stuck.
Oh, and the trick with the drinking is leanrning to pace yourself. You can’t drink a LOT in the mornings. You just have to prime the pump.
I stopped to see Uncle Sid this morning. I poked my head in the barber shop and said hi. I didn’t have to stay too long, he had a guy in the chair and one waiting. He looks good! I haven’t seen him for a few weeks.
I had lunch with Adam and a guy he wants me to hire for some farm work. I hope it works out. The guy seems ok. A little Toppier than I’d like. I don’t know if I’m too “bossy” for him to be able to work for me or not. He’s got ranch experience. He’s going to come out tomorrow and look around.
Oh and you don’t put the shot in your coffee, although if it’s bailey’s you sure could. You drink the shot and THEN your coffee.
Good to know.
I think I might use that if we were leaving a bar and heading out to breakfast. One more for the road, sort of thing, then a bit of coffee to keep me from falling asleep over my eggs.
But that would never happen either. I don’t have the stamina for it anymore, first. And second, Roman wouldn’t allow it.
So I guess if I was on an all girl’s weekend…
Nope, not that either, come to think of it. Who would drive?
I sense a story coming out of this. Toppy ranch hand? Oh, please God, let it be so. And then tell us all about it, Cindy!
Cindy, “priming the pump” sounds vaguely like a drinking problem. Hair of the dog, and all that. You know what I like the very best? Feeling great when I wake up in the morning. No party the night before beats that feeling.
Of course, that knowledge is hard won, and was a long time in coming…
The golf cart gave me an idea, Cindy. You and I will go out to the Pool Hall (I’ve never been to one before) and have our beer and bumps, and then we will drive home in a golf cart. The worst we could do is end up in a ditch or maybe run over a gopher.
Thanks Cindy!
It was a pleasure to work with you. You are a great Producer. Please don’t change. I like you just the way you are. K? I like controlled chaos. That was way too much fun last night. Too bad everyone can’t have this much fun at their real jobs.
^I don’t understand why Looney Tunes keeps on popping into my mind. Maybe it’s a premonition of my next project?^
I’d drive and be the designated driver. Me! Me!
This should be good. Cindy, get all Toppy with him and when he tells you, that you are too big for your britches and need to settle down or else, you say or else what. If all the stories I read are correct you should be face down across his knee with your jeans and panties somewhere around your ankles hollering and kicking, then promising to be good. That’s how I’m looking at it.
Now that you mention it Cindy does remind me a little of Daffy Duck last night.
Yes, we love Cindy just the way she is, otherwise she wouldn’t be Cindy.
Blech! I couldn’t drink a shot on a dare.
I’ve done that, Scar. It’s fun unles the battery goes dead on ya. Then it’s a long walk home. And golf carts are so quiet you can sneak up on people. Drive through their yards,etc. I do that a lot in the summer if I stay at the house in town.
We don’t have gophers. We have squirrels. I saw an armadillo last fall. If the winters stay mild like this one was, they’ll move this far north. I’ve heard of a few random ones. They can tear up a garden in nothing flat.
Nobody likes a bossy boots, Kaki.
Maybe toppy was the wrong word. Maybe arrogant jerk would have been a better one. I’m the one paying him and he asked Adam all the questions. And ADAM had no problem answering them. I sat there fuming. I felt about 12.
I tried to answer a few times, but they just looked at me and I just shut up.
Great Kaki, that’s sound like really good plan! What happens if he steals all my cows first? Because apparently there WILL be more cows. Nobody asked me, but APPARENTLY that’s what needs to be.
He could have a wife and 5 kids as far as I know.
Thank you, bree. I appreciate it. I had a great time working with you as well. You’re a wonderful director.
Hey, animation is all the rage. Look how low the overhead is.
Cindy, I love Daffy and Donld Duck, they quack me up.
That would put a monkey wrench in the works wouldn’t it.
I would be ticked off if they did that to me too, Cindy. I hate when men try to do that to me. It doesn’t happen very often now.
Cindy i thought you was the boss of your ranch? Farm? Spread? Why you letting this ‘Adam’ treat you like the little woman? Man up girl! You own the place then show him that bulshy spirit!
An if he wants more
then he can just go buy his own ranch/farm/spread an buy the 
with his own money init.
Want me to come over there an kick his shins for ya?
I’ve been kicking him in the shins since we were 9. It doesn’t do a bit of good. I want you to come over here and punch him in his jaw, that’s what i want you to do, jay. I can’t reach his jaw good, but you can. We’re going to have to build your arms up a little though. Mashed potatoes might do that. Do you LIKE mashed potatoes?
And he’s got his own ranch and his own cows. He just thinks I can’t be trusted to do anything. And yeah, there have been a few incidents that he’s had to bail me out of. But I’ve bailed him out plenty over the years.
I have arms like limp noodles. Its been years since i could toss a hay bale around…….and yes, i did actually do that lol.
Is Adam married? It sounds like he might be the one to spank you….
gosh, Cindy, we’ve been searching all over the midwest, and there are Toppy men (and armadillos) in your own backyard! This could play like a musical!
just to let you know i dealt with jay today for deliberate 15 min lateness earlier this week. She was strapped on the bare. 1 whack for each minute + 12 for disobeying my instructions.
Later on she got 12 with the dragon cane. Not too hard, but enough to leave marks.
It sounds like one of the Professors stories lol.
And it hurt lots! Meanie
m
No, Adam’s not married. But he’s a hard dog to keep on the porch, Scarlet. He has LOTS of girlfriends. All at the same time. And they don’t seem to mind!
We’ve talked about it. NOT THE SPANKING PART, but the hooking up part.
But he’s too much like a brother and we’re really close to the Ozarks but we aren’t hillbillys.
Well, I don’t think it was real nice of Dev to let your Sir know the precise moment you posted something.
This is why us Bottoms have to start sticking together.
Tell your Sir thanks for letting us know what your punishment was. I was wondering.
Thanks, Dev!
My arms were never long enough to toss bales. I could roll them off the truck though. And I could bust the wired and pull them apart. It sure was a good way to stay in shape.
But we don’t use those anymore, We use great round bales. You hardly ever see a small bale anymore.
Yeah, and just about any one of them would be delighted to spank me, Scarlet, but I’d like to be at least a little bit attracted to them.
The Professor didnt tell him about the 15 mins, I did.
you are very welcome Cindy!
Cindy, in my experience girls here stick together until someone gets in trouble, then they go and make the popcorn.
hmmphhh!
Incidentally I do hope that no-one out any wild animals into the linen closet with Connie and the kittens!
Jay, honesty is good-ish!
All the script pages are scattered around the floor there. I neglected to put page numbers on them, but you can sort all that out, I’m sure. You don’t shoot a movie front to back anyways. Continuity is for suckers.
I’m not even sure what city I’m in right now, but the hotel has wireless.
Did you actually read it all, dd, I gave up
Cindy, there is something to be said about arranged marriages.
Alice, I was there when it happened and I was confused and poor Dev stepped out for a bit and came back to it.
And i can trust you to do the arranging? Well, we do seem to like the same type.
How did ole what’s his name do last night? The actor feller. Was his audition satisfactory?
Well, that’s a step up for you isn’t it? You don’t have to wander the streets looking for a signal.
It’s a fancy-schmancy hotel, with chambermaids and everything. I might even have to leave a tip.
Wow! That really is a change then, huh. Make sure tipping the chambermaids isn’t an insult. Don’t want your bed short sheeted.
Do they have turn down service? Do you get a fancy chocolate on your pillow? Don’t let them toss rose petals on the bed after. They stick to everything.,
They’ve got everything, it would seem. Even a mini-bar and tuna sandwiches on room service. Wow! I could live here.
I don’t get tuna sandwiches at home.
Tuna & Coffee! What a great breakfast. Now I just need a curvaceous lady to spank upon the (presumed) naughty bottom.
Ah, yes. Today is going to be a good day.
You kill me. Tuna and coffee. I’d drink a glass of whiskey and eat a snickers bar, but I don’t think I’d pair tuna and coffee.
It is delicious!
Just out of curiosity, would you really have told him if Devlin hadn’t?
I will not hear ought against tuna sandwiches & coffee! What, should I pair it with white wine? Ooh, hoity-toity.
Roast beef and a Coke? Ham and cheese and iced tea?
Tuna, yuck and coffee, yuck. Sorry.
Egg mayo, cress and coffee
G’night all
Hmph.
G’night, Jay. Sleep real good.
Pop. When in doubt, pop is a great choice. And by pop I mean Pepsi. It’s the love of my life, my life’s BLOOD actually, my addiction.
Night, jay! Y’all sleep good, you hear?
Nope, wouldn’t drink coffee with egg salad either. Maybe iced coffee.
Hey, Pygmalion, I’d drink iced coffee with tuna salad. Cause I LOVE tuna salad. And I make really good tuna salad.
I don’t drink sugar. It’s the one vice I avoid.
I quit smoking. That’s the only thing I’ve ever stopped doing voluntarily. I won’t ever give up anything legal again.
You mean Dev stepped in it, don’t you?
As long as you don’t tip them over, I think you will be okey dokey.
I like hot tea and chocolate together. I love tuna sald, but it is fattening. I can’t remember when I last had a tuna salad sandwich. (licks lips) Darn it! Now I am hungry. Today they said Pepsi and Coke had some kind of cancer causing agent in it and the FDA is making them put a cancer causing warning label on their product. Pepsi and Coke are revamping their recipe instead so they don;t have to do that. I am glad I stopped drinking soda awhile ago!
Cindy and/or Scarlet, what happened? I thought you two were going to the pool hall and do beers and bumps and I was going to be the designated driver?
Ok!!! That was spooky! I didn’t hit submit on that last comment!
I can’t think of one single thing out there that doesn’t have a cancer causing agent in it.
And the carcinogen in the UK study showed was that the agent was in the “coloring” which should have no effect on the flavor if they are forced to change it.
I smoked cigarettes for years. You smoke. You’re seriously hatin on the pop? Really?
I love this video and song. *SIGH*
http://youtu.be/XoaSOYGedjg
Yup. It sucks all the vitamins out of your body.
I didn’t say I was perfect.
Can we ride the golf cart around Dev’s place then?
Bree, those cigarettes are going to kill you LONG before the Coke will.
Why is that funny? Huh?
m
Yup, I’m pulling up to the dooor right now. Let’s go ring people door bells and run away!
I don’t smoke that much. It is too expensive.
Come on, Breee, I’m laying on the horn here. It will run the battery down.
(bree hops in) Can I drive? I meant lets drive it in the apartment. Do you think it will fit in the elevator?
That wasn’t a joke??
I thought you were being funny. I’m sorry.
It will fit in the elevator, but it won’t fit through a regular door way. We have to ride it outside. Come on, you can drive, I’ll jump off and ring the door bells and you can be the getaway driver.
Ok. Whheeeeeee!!! I feel like a Geico commercial.
Lets make Dev’s doorway bigger so the golf cart can fit. K?
Crunch! Blam! Hammer! Hammer! Crunch! There that should do it.
You’ve driven a golf cart before, right? You know there’s only 2 gears, forward and reverse. And there is only one speed so you just need to gently press on the gas until you hear the brake disengage. They start at full power, so it’s gonna pop a little. NO wheelies, though.
You don’t think he’s gonna notice his doorframe is caved in? Who’s gonna fix that??? Ok, let’s go to Home Depot.
So you want to just keep riding round and round the circle of his rooms? You don’t want to go outside?
No never have driven one before. It can’t be that hard. Crash! Oops! That was reverse I guess.
I can tell you right now, he ain’t gonna like this one bit. Carry me to the drugstore, just stay on the sidewalk. Don’t go in the street, we got no tags. I have an awful headache. I know he doesn’t have any Advil around here.
We can fix it later. We have door bells to ring. Watch out! I guess I misjudged that corner.
The forward and reverse lever is on the panel between us by your legs.
You want me to drive???
Stop complaining. Here have a beer. That should help.
No! Not yet. I need more practice is all.
OK
What time does Dev come home today any way? How much time do we have?
Oh, crikey, you still have to stop at roads, bree! We have no lights, the cars can’t see us. We have to cross Broadway to get to Walgreens. Just stay in the crosswalk, we’ll be fine.
Oops. Cop. Better hide the beer.
I will just hide behind this bush. I am pretty sure he didn’t see us!
We should have about an hour and a half. Enough time for us to get to Walgreens and back. He won’t like it if we drive this thing into town, so we better get back before he gets home. Just don’t kill us. I don’t think he’d like that either.
No!!!! Reverse us out of this bush, don’t try to go through it!
You have to have some faith in me Cindy. I have only got myself pulled over once for speeding and the other three accidents I had were not my fault.
It’s fun, innit? I like how quiet it is. If kaki or somebody wanted to go with us, we could stand them in the back where the golf bag stands. It might slow us down, but it would still get us there.
You need to keep an eye out for these intersections. We have no right of way in this instance. We’re not road legal. If we get runover it’s our fault.
Shhhh! The cop is gone. We are ok.
Try to keep on the sidewalk. If we get two wheels off and the grounds soft, we could bottom out.
How can we get run over if we are in the gold cart? Oh you mean the other vehicles. (bree weaves in and out of traffic and pulls up to Walgreens.). Hurry Cindy. We have to go to Home Depot to fix Dev’s door next.
Going on the sidewalk takes too darn long. I am getting whip lash from going up and down the curbs. **** it!
Ok, you need anything?
i forgot my purse. I bet Dev’s got an account here. He won’t mind.
(Bree pulls into the Home Depot parking lot. Runs in and gets the stuff we need to fix Dev’s door.) They only had this cute pink door. Do you think Dev will notice?
No. It was an emergency. I am sure he won’t mind.
It’s a good think nobody came with us. Look at all this loot I got. I’m going to have to put these sacks in the golf bag hold.
Ok let’s hit it.
Ummm…a bag od Almond Joys and Mounds and some red licorice and some Cheeze Doodles and Potato Sticks and Bubble gum. I need lot of energy to fix that doorway.
Nah, he won’t notice. He’s a guy. I got some Mentholatum Pain Relief gel for your whiplash. It provides “immediate relief”.
I also got this eyeshadow and look at this lip gloss. Sparkly.
I got some chocolate and some Raisinettes(ew) for Dev. I got Dove Chocolate, milk for me and dark for everyone else.
Your cheese doodles and potato whosits are in the bag. Twizzlers, I got a bunch of that cause I love it. Red and Grape. There’s double bubble, I hope that’s ok. And your mini candy bars.
I also got some Cadburry mini eggs, cause they are the BEST.
bree eats the whole bag of Almond Joys while driving back to Dev’s. She pulls up in front of Dev’s apartment and runs in with the pink door. Then runs back for the rest of the stuff.
And Advil. I took 3. Hopefully this headache will be gone by the time we get home.
Do you think he has a hammer? I’ve got one in the tool box in my car.
Quick Cindy! Help me! We are here already. I ate the whole bag of Almond Joys already.
I got the groceries. I’ll put them away. I’m going to make a cup of coffee. that will help my headache too.
there’s more candy, bree. relax.
Fine, but you have to help me hold this door up so I can put it back on its hinges. This is hard work! I need a beer!
I TOLD you not to crash in the door. But you didn’t listen, did you.
Ok, I’ll hold it. But don’t ask me to hold a light, cause that has always gotten me into trouble,
I hear sirens. Do you think they are coming after us?
They can have me if they don’t keep me up. I’m sleepy. That coffee didn’t work. I wonder if it’s decaf? I’ll have to bring some real coffee over and hide it.,
I don;t need light there is plenty light in Dev’s apartment and the hallway. Ok. Done. Phew! I need to lay down for a second.
OMG! 
I have to throw away all this stuff and vacuum still. You did not tell me not to crash through the door. It’s funny when you don’t want a back seat driver you get one 
. When you need one you get no feedback. 
They wouldn’t know it was us. That golf cart has no plates.
I’m goin home, bree. My head still hurts and now I’m nauseus from too many mini eggs.
You can keep playing with the golf cart, Just plug it in when you’re done so it’s charged for tomorrow.
Well I sure as shootin told you it wouldn’t fit through the doorway! How did you think you were going to get it in here?
Ok. The mess is all cleaned up. Dev will never know. Oh, the pink door. If he asks we will just say the building manager came along and said they were replacing his door because it had termites in it. Ok?
Oh, that’s good thinking.
I have a hard time believing that I’m the one around here with all the tickets. You drive like a maniac. Are you sure you’re licensed at ALL?
Ok. Goodnight, Cindy.
I hope you feel better. I am off too. I am pooped. 
I am a good driver. Golf carts are like a toy to me. I doesn’t seem real when you are driving those things. It seems more like a video game.
I thought you were going home?
Stop yelling you will wake the neighbors.
I jsut wanted to make sure you were done. It would have been rude to run off when you’re still talking. I’ll go now. Don’t say anything else.
Night.
I am not tired. I am just feigning tiredness, but I am going to visit some other friends. Toodles for now.
(bree plugs the golf cart in to be recharged.)
Why can’t I say anything else?
My goodness you girls were busy tonight. Nice door.
I have a pink door. Why do I have a pink door? I am very tired, and tomorrow I will ask that question MUCH more forcefully.
Pygmalion, it is a man’s right to eat tuna. It is high protein, low fat, and comes in convenient cans. It is the single man’s best friend in the kitchen, besides ragu sauce in glass jars. Tuna can be a salad, or a sandwich, or a soup, or a healthy snack right out of the tin. And a salad can be a cut up tomato with a tin of tuna on it, maybe a splash of ranch dressing. No man should have to travel to a hotel in Buffalofodder, Borneo to enjoy this delicious and nutritional substance. It is not right at all, and I will alert the Men’s Rights Division of the UN first thing tomorrow of this heinous tramplifying of human dignity and digestion. As soon as I regain consciousness. Long day.
Night, all.
Ummm, the building manager mentioned termites. I thought it was all right to let him in. You didn’t say not to.
I’ll pick up paint tomorrow.
Sleep well! Sorry about the door, but you didn’t want the termites to move in any further.
I am worried.
Dev never came home. 
Maybe he didn’t recognize his apartment door! 
bree runs down to the super’s apartment and knocks on his door. She asks him for some paint to paint Dev’s door. The super obliges. bree runs back up to Dev’s apartment and paints the door. “There, that is better.”
I need some sleep.
bree writes a note to Dev.
Dear Dev,
I believe I may have offended you with my rude behavior the other day and my smart mouth. I’m sincerely guiltsick for my inept disrespect and I fully intend to try to do better and to check my impolite, childish, boorish and stubborn behavior. Ok?
Respectfully,
bree
bree folds the note and sticks it to the refrigerator door under the paddle magnet. She then shuts off all the lights and sadly leaves the apartment. The rain is coming down harder, so bree takes off her light blue sweater and places it over her head to shield her somewhat from the soaking raindrops. She runs to her car, starts the engine and drives away.
Better you head should have gotten wet rather than you run around with no top!
Eek.
So what’s the deal? I thought all you people got up and were real chatty at the crack of dawn.
What are you doing up so early?
Fell wide awake!
Had my coffee and I’m rarin to go.
What day is it? This is Friday, right?
Boy, I’m glad Bree came back and got Dev’s door painted. You can hardly tell it got all busted up last night. I hope he propped that 2X4 under the door handle since the lock doesn’t work anymore.
Yep, Friday.Tomorrow is the weekend. Yea!!
Did you milk the cows yet?
That’s just bull, kaki ann.
Thoses things aren’t for milking, Cindy! Look for the cows without the horns to milk.
Lol, its fine which is just as well cos we going to a spanking party tomorrow! Wooooohooooooooo
I can’t wait, havent been to one since Dec. 
Ummm kaki ~ Almost all breeds of cattle are born with buds, the ability to grow horns. The horns are almost always removed at a young age. Sometimes farmers allow the cattle to grow horns, depending on what breed they’re raising. A few breeds have been developed in which the offspring are polled, that is, do not have the ability to grow horns. Holsteins are naturally horned, so their horns need to be trimmed or cut before their horns get too big, which is when they are a few months old if horn buds can be seen or felt. However, other cows can be born polled or hornless and do not need to have their horns trimmed. Horns is a recessive gene in cattle, so if a horned cow mates with a polled bull, the offspring will be polled. But mating horned with horned produces horned offspring, or hetero polled with hetero polled have a 25% chance of producing horned offspring. The naturally polled breeds of cattle include Angus, Red Angus, Brangus, Red Brangus and Galloway.
I just assumed you were a city girl, Jay.
I think I thought it was Wednesday all day yesterday. I didn’t go to the Humane Society! That was probably a big relief for them.
That’s why there was apple dumplings at the diner yesterday!
That only happens on Thursday. I just thought they felt like making them on Wednesday for a change.
Suberb please, suberb girl. But there is a city farm not far from here that I volounteered at for about 6 yrs so I learnt stuff there…tractor driving, hay bailing, cow care and milking (by hand and into pails), chook care, shire horse s*** cleaning to name but a few jobs lol.
I love those big ole draft horses.
Morning, Dev
Did you rest well?
That is very interesting and quite admirable, Jay, but leave the barnyard language in the barnyard when you come inside please. :waits:
I did, thank you. Do I need to call a bail bondsman for anyone?
Oooops, sorry Professor did’t even realise I did that. Oh and I love the pink door btw, nice to know you have a softer side.
I don’t think so! It was a close call, but we made it!
And you don’t think you would have gotten a call last night if that were necessary.
Me and Bree are too pretty to go to jail.
Thank you, Jay. And you’re welcome to take the pink one with you once the carpenters have replaced it with a proper one.
Riiiiight. That’s why the Department of Corrections had me design a special gaol, just for girls like you. You won’t like it, but you will be impressed with it.
Is it pink?
Ooohh Professor, I found the perfect thing for your gaol, you simply must have one, no gaol is complete without one.
http://www.aswgt.com/canadianstrap.html
I don’t think he needs one of those at ALL, Jay. Quit trying to be so darn helpful.
The jail cell I meant. Of course. I don’t know why that didn’t reply to you directly, there was no need for it to stand out like that. Nope.
Maybe it wanted a little independance?
We can learn a lot from our Canadian brethren and sistren. Thank you, Jay.
It put the old hardware in the new door. It should work fine.
Yeah! We have the police wrapped around our pretty, delicate fingers. I have gone out with a few of them, so it would not have been a problemo.
Ha! Prison straps are nuttin’ honey.
There is only one thing I am afraid of, well maybe two or three, and I am not saying what they are. 
The door is perfectly fine! My Dad taught me to do stuff like that. The door just needs a second coat of paint. There is no need to call a carpenter! (bree stomps her foot, huffs and pouts.) I think is looks fine.
Sheesh! I’m on a strange network which has blocked Jay’s link as they consider it pornographic, never had a hotel so concerned about my moral welfare before! By the time I’m home it will be buried 1000′s comments and I’ll never find it!
Spiders? Me too!
Gaol! Dev you are not going to have me arrested and sue me are you?
I fixed your door and door frame. What else do you want me to do? 
just write the link down and look later, dd.
Why are you in a hotel? Are you on vacation?
I am fine with spiders as long as they are not near me or on me!
That is not one of them, no.
i’M PRETTY SURE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT OUR HIJINKS WITH THE GOLF CART, bREE.
Sorry, didn’t mean to shout. I was working.
Not break doors to begin with. And there is no ‘sue’ in ‘gaol,’ I assure you.
sorry about the door, Dev.
Another exciting evening on the blite/blorum! I think a pink door would be very inviting for all the girls, Dev. Since we hang out at your place as much as if not more than you do, you might consider leaving it…
Jay, where do you GET these things? Based on your links to scary canes and prison straps, I’m having a hard time figuring out what it is that would frighten you.
Does Pygmalion still have the lion, btw? Someone ought to return Rogue to props if we’re not going to use him again. He might be getting hungry. Wait, has anyone HEARD from Pygmalion lately?
I didn’t really expect Dev to be that mad since bree fixed the door before he got home last night.
And Pygmalion was in a fancy hotel last night. Hey, you don’t think he SOLD the lion, do you? That lion was worth more than Pygmalion.
Scarlet, I made an appointment by email to get a massage at the place I’m staying next weekend. The woman called me this morning to confirm and asked what specifically my problem was so she could get me set up with the right treatment and I told her that, like most people, I have a lot of tension and pain in my neck and shoulders and she said, “I carry all of my stress in my butt!” I started laughing and she said, “No, really, the girl I am setting you up with for your massage has to just pound on my butt!” I was laughing like a loon by that point. I said, “well, that would be all right too!”
I was still laughing when I hung up.
That’s not a forbidden word, is it? It doesn’t sound as funny if I say bottom. So, if it is a forbidden word, I’ll take my lumps, cause that was just funny.
What a fascinating woman you spoke to! She would probably enjoy a link to Dev’s little world here. She might not know what she’s missing…:)
Only don’t let Jay scare her.
Has anyone FED the lion lately?
Funny how that lady knew exactly who to set you up with after only a couple minutes with you over the phone.
Well as long as the lion isn’t squirrelled away in the linen closet with Connie and the kitts, their eyes should be opening soon and they could be mistaking him for Dad whilst he’s thinking of them as a pre-supper snack.
i KNOW! dO YOU GUYS THINK SHE’S ONE OF US?
Ok, I’m giving up for now. I keep switching computers and I can’t make it right.
I know! I don’t know if I should be nervous or not!
I’m pretty sure Dev would have let us know if the lion was in the linen closet. Did you see that lion,dd? He was HUGE!
Dev, it was the first time I drove a golf cart. It was an accident. I meant to open the door first, but my foot slipped. K?
You wanna know what scares me!? Not an implement thats for sure….but a person.
Imagine if you can…an English spank party, around about 100 people are present and you know 80% of them.
You’re dressed in your usual school uniform :~
Black Blazer with crest.
White Blouse.
Navy blue tie with gold lettering.
Knee length pleated black skirt.
Black breifs.
Over the knee white socks.
Black ballet pumps.
It’s the first hour of the party so no play yet as people are still meeting and greeting. You stand there, next to your Sir just watching the crowds waving at old friends when this bloke you’ve never seen before is led up to you by the Party Organiser who introuduces him as Professor Devlin O’Neill. Cue pit in floor, watch gut fall in while heart races to mouth.
That is what scares me Scarlet! Unlikely to happen….but you never know.
Cindy, I could have done that for you free of charge!
That just sent shivers down my spine!
Jay you sound as if you are being a very smartly dressed good girl, what’s to worry about? Dev will probably congratulate you on your great fashion sense. Do you want me to cancel the red eye he’s booked on to Heathrow?
It’s ok. I feed all the animals this morning and the wild beast were taken back by their trainer/owners. Don’t worry, I feed the lion all the steaks and beef Dev had in his refrigerator and freezer.
Cindy, he may have curled up small to lull the kitts into a false sense of security.
Are you sure Sue isn’t in the gaol? Surely?
Quite possibly, no.
Cindy, stop goofing around and get your work down. K?
I had peanut butter and olives for lunch. I am bored with eating and to get unbored I eat strange combos like this.
Done not down.
Thanks, Jay. That really made me smile.
He may well say that…and that dosent bother me…its the stuff he says afterwards that worries me…prolly starting something like “now missy, about this malarky you get up to on the blite….”
Could have done what, bree?
bree, yuk! Hate both, combined triply icky, did you make them into a sandwich? You Americans sure eat strange things!
No the olives were on the side. Like I said sometimes I do it to get out of a ruttish bore.
This massagey thingy that Wilhelmina is going to do for you at the spa.
Well, that’s cool, bree! I bet you have really strong hands if you do that all day.
It’s time to practice.
http://youtu.be/zR9haBA2C_k
I don’t do it all day. My friend taught me a little. She is a licensed masseuse.
A friend of a friend jacked up my neck wicked bad one time by messing with it. This is my first massage since then.
I know that some people have a natural talent for it, but I’m nervous about having it done by someone with lots of training. I don’t think I could let you give me a massage.
I’d let you give me a manicure though! want to paint my nails?
No fire dancing in the apartment! I mean it. :waits:
Why?
I know what I am doing. It’s a hobby of mine.
You’ve just got a Sixth Sense for spotting danger, don’t you?
Sure! Let me put down my fire sticks. What color do you want? That friend of a friend screwed you up because he didn’t massage you in the correct place.
I liked that movie.
No, no he sure didn’t, bree!
And I like pink!
Oh, yeah, I’ve liked almost every movie that M.Night Shyamalan has made. Even the weird ones.
Ok. What color pink?
http://compare.ebay.com/like/251007305796?var=lv<yp=AllFixedPriceItemTypes&var=sbar&_lwgsi=y&cbt=y
Me too.
dd, I know you don’t like peanut butter but please don’t judge a whole country by bree’s crazy taste buds. Blech!
Next time have a bowl of cereal or a bacon and egg sandwich.
No, just light pink.
I love bacon sandwiches. I think that’s hwat I’m having for supper! Thanks, kaki
Guess what! I got a GG spanking today
. I was good for a whold day in a row, going on one and half. Not sure how long it will last, I’m thinking about doing something that is a no-no. 
that should read whole, not whold.
I feel like I’ve been up for 3 days! I don’t know how you people do this!
mmm, don’t you put a scrambled egg on it?
Well, yeah,if you’re going to get spanked anyway, may as well have some fun. Let’s weigh your options. What’s the number one bad thing on your list?
Nope, just bacon and ketchup.
Why because you got up early?
The thing that I want now that I am not supposed to have cause it’s not good for me.
But Cindy, there is a big difference in the spanking.
Yay for you, Kaki.
I decided I am not getting spanked this weekend. I need a break. 
I am going for a walk.
http://youtu.be/lsEkBz8JkQY
I guess. Go to sleep late and get up late, that’s me. And when one or the other changes, I’m all sorts of squirrely.
Hey, the woman I’m sharing a room with at the conference next week goes to bed before 10 and gets up around 5:30. She wasn’t going to be able to go unless she could share a room, so I said I’d stay with her. I told her to bring sweats because I have to have the room cold. I reserved a suite becuase I knew that I would stay up way later than her and I didn’t want her to have to sit in the dark in the mornings until I drug myself out of bed.
I hope this works out and I hope there’s plenty of hospitality rooms.
Oh! Well, I didn’t know that. I thought it was the same thing with a different wrapper.
a pony?
Why would a pony be bad for me, silly? It may not be too good for the little pony.
It wouldn’t be bad for you at all, kaki. It would be good for you.
Cindy, with a GG there is none of this
or this 
or 
, this is 
I knew a ruttish bore in college.
Awa. Well, that’s ok then, ain’t it.
A suite is the way to go, Cindy. I hate hot hotel rooms, too. I’m going away next weekend, too, and it would crack me up if we were at the same hotel. Mine also has a spa, so it could happen!
I would immediately recognize you by our bouncy little pigtails and your glasses and the fact that you’d be reading Corporal Idaho.
Hey, that will be our signal. We’ll both bring a Devlin O’Neill book, but DON”T tell each other where we’re going. We’ll sort of lounge around in the lobby off and on all weekend, and see if we see someone else reading D O’N. Then we’ll know it’s us. Or you. Or I. One of those.
I didn’t mean “OUR” bouncy pigtails. Only you have those. I will be dressed in the parlor drapes, of course.
Wha was all that racket I heard last night, Mr. O’Neill? Those young girls you had in your apartment kept me up until after 9:00, mister. I heard such a loud bang, merciful heavens I thought the building was coming down. I put up with a lot of strange goingson over at your place. I never know what to expect when I get home, a couple days ago I coulda sworn I heard a lion and an elephant roar coming from your apartment. I am still mopping up from the time you thought you could turn your place into an aquarium. Honestly, Mr. O’Neill, I would think a man of your intelligence would have better sense. I have to say though the girls that come to clean while you are at work are the nicest, they always bring me a little something, helps me sleep like a baby.
That would be totally cool, Scarlet! Just look for the short, loud, bossy girl.
oh, you’re very good!
Leave the curtain rod in like Carol Burnett.
Hmmm pigtails….that could work…or maybey just side pony tails…are those still pigtails? Hmmm
That was the best episode but you are too young to remember, you must have caught the reruns.
I was supposed to see The Secret World of Arietta today but the people we were going with havn’t called back.
Cinch, I am most relieved that some Americans eat normal food, a bacon butty is almost sacrosanct over here.
Kaki, you explained the gg spankingly perfectly, just not why you get so few of them.
Scarlet, why are you wearing the curtains? Is this another strange N American habit I missed, or has Roman decided to stop paying the credit card bill?
Ummm, Cindy, I’m really sorry seem to be having the same probes Scarlet did with IPad spellcheck!
dd, the catch apparently is to be “good”.
Here is what they are referring to. If you have time watch both parts, this is part 2. ( 3:30 is the section they are referring to)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjhtxfSMIWk&feature=related
Mumbles under breath, witch.
I think we need to up the alcohol proof for Latella, Cindy.
Nick at Night. Carol Burnett was on after school. I watched it a lot.
And that’s the movie that is based on The Borrowers, right?
Getting probed by the iPad is no fun. And you get weird choices with the auto spellcheck, but you get lots more misspellings with out it. So I never know what to do. At least we can blame it on autocorrect.
Yes, and I never read the Borrowers.
Great show, wasn’t it.
dd, do you put ketchup on your bacon sammie? I think that will be my dinner now that my plans washed out.
A school friend’s mom was a Brit. She called them bacon sarnies. I can still remember how they tasted. I always tried to get our housekeeper to fix them for me, but Grace wasn’t real good with bacon. She cooked it too done.
Cindy, probe was supposed to be problems but this gadget has a mind of it’s own! Plus the hotel has the weirdest nanny software I’ve ever come across. Dev’s honky dory but Bonnie and Erica aren’t? And this in a town wihich is a top spot for Mr & Mrs Smith bookings, hen and stag nights!
Carol Burnett? Oh yeah, it was the best. Tim Conway and Harvey Korman. I loved that show.
We are going to see the Lorax instead. Somehow I feel they are healthier with an egg, don’t ask me why.
But what about the children???? sob, sob.
That’s from a movie, I think, I’m not sure.
Yeah, dd, I knew probe was prob, but you know me. I’ll take the cheap shot.
Bacon sarnies are a special kind of comfort food, not a fill in between meals as certain members of the household believe, ketchup on them is perfectly acceptable, although I prefer lashings of butter on the bread beforehand.
YOu could be right about the egg.
The Lorax just doens’t seem the same as Arietty.
Saturday lunch when it’s raining. And there’s something about bacon and ketchup together.
Yum.
Uh huh!
Incidentally the kids have almost certainly had no trouble at all working their way around any minor blockages they have found and are probably busy blowing everyone’s heads off on Auto Theft 31! Mine are hopefully tucked up in bed at home.
No, it doesn’t but the kid wants to see it.
Mmm, just had my bacon and egg on toasted Engish muffin. (with butter,not ketchup)
Or sausage, beans and mash, sure way to families heart!
No, she likes us! It’s Dev she has the problem with!
I just had breakfast but you are making me hungry.
Mindy! where have you BEEN?
No, I didn’t sell the lion. Nobody in Thailand would buy a lion. (They have tigers).
I did use Rogue as part of my magic act, though. (At union rates.) He made some steaks…disappear! Ta-da!
No where. Just busy and tired.
I’m sure he can make something more substantial than steaks disappear.
I might even have the day off today. Good timing on the hotel, that.
How many tuna sandwiches have you eaten?
Now I got ketchup in the mouse wheel hole thing. I have GOT to stop eatin and surfin at the same time.
None. Yet…
I’m eyeing a delicious dish on the room service menu. Let the day off feast begin!
In my house, that’s a spanking offense.
Pull it apart and clean it.
Eating and surfing is usually okay. It’s drinking and surfing that’s dangerous. You may spill or splash your drink all over the screen and keyboard when you burst out laughing.
I think, since I’m finally along the sea-side, I shall have a seafood feast. Thai-style, of course.
pull it apart WHERE, Mindy? I don’t see any pulling apart place.
I spilled gravy on the keyboard a few weeks ago. the keys on the laptop don’t pop off like they do on the pc.
Pygmalion! Thank goodness! I’m glad Rogue didn’t eat you. I was beginning to worry.
Bacon is lovely, but it must be crisp. Soggy bacon is a no no.
I have had a banana and peanuts and a cookie. Plus coffee. I was too hungry when I got in to actually make anything resembling a sandwich. Now I’m full.
There’s a shocker. What ISN’T a spankable offense at your house?
Don’t go getting food poisening Mr Pygmalion.
I am disappointed. I figured you would have eaten a half dozen by now. Your significant other can’t actually SEE you, can she?
What delicacy are you perusing?
Impossible! These are my friends!
…also, I’d be more likely to get food poisoning from Thai pork than from Thai seafood.
I’m sure we’ll find one eventually.
That happens to me ALL the time, Scarlet. I have no idea what to do about it. I never think of eating until I’m about to faint and then I’ll grab anything. I can’t make myself eat if I’m not feelin it.
And there’s a certain point where bacon is perfect. It takes a lot of skill to reach that point precisely.
Crispy but not crunchy.
Crab & Squid appetizer, Sea Bass main course, and Oysters for dessert.
Yes, yes.
Attack it from the battery compartment if it’s a wireless mouse.
Laptops are trickier to take apart.
hahahhahahhahahha
sounds really, really good. I love a good sea bass. How is the appetizer prepared.
I love room service.
Oysters for dessert? What about a proper Thai dessert like durian rice pudding? Yum.
Can’t you just come and live with me? It would sure make my life a lot easier.
If I understand the menu aright: the squid is stuffed, and the crab is broiled in some sort of crab sauce. I’ve had the crab before, somewhere, since I remember how to say it.
None of the morning staff speak International, and my Thai is focused on “business” not “cuisine”.
That’s OK. I’m going to eat all day and teach them some English.
I like all Thai food, except the desserts. Of course, I don’t really eat Western desserts, either.
I usually just call sushi—or other cold seafood—”dessert” and roll with it.
I think I will if I’m at your part of the world.
Oysters are not dessert. Ice cream is.
That does sound like a good day!
A cigarette used to be my dessert. I think whatever you partake of lastly is dessert.
I love Thai food. Pad Thai, green curry, tom yum soup … delicious. I think I shall have Thai food tomorrow night.
Dessert is whatever settles the stomach after the FEAST.
Seltzer!
I like the fish. All the fish.
and
.
I keep thinking the name of this post is A Snippy sort of pirate story
I bet you’re a healthy eater too, aren’t you, Mindy Lou.
Wow, three of us posted at the same time. Pygmalion, Cindy and me. 6:42pm according to my rss reader.
Usually but I have a weak spot for dark chocolate and cheesecake.
You don’t have an edit button stashed anywhere in that reader, do you?
He would totally give you an edit button, I just know it.
Actually, I rarely eat dessert. Not that i don’t want it, though.
Dessert is sometimes yogurt before bed. Greek. Sometimes with a little honey.
Shameful!
Tomorrow?
Gotta go. Folks want lunch. Good evening, everyone!
I like Pad Thai. But I’d really like to have that sea bass.
Have a nice day, Mindy. Come back later!
How long till our food arrives, Pygmalion?
We get food here now?
I’m eating vicariously through Pygmalion in Thailand. But yeah, you can order pizza or chinese whenever you want.
Pygmalion is ordering a feast. I’m sure he’ll share.
I have no idea. I’m sure it’ll come in dribs and drabs over the course of the morning, until it is time to orderr elevensies.
I told them not to hurry, and gave them a pre-tip. I’ll just write on my balcony until they knock. I have plenty of time.
Crikey, this is breakfast??? I thought we were ordering dinner. I can’t eat sea bass for breakfast, no matter how much I love fish.
Sigh, I think its a bit late for me to start eating.
I woke up hungry, with the waves beating against the shore. I demand sustenance.
Dinner shall be more extravagant, but it’s all part of the same feast.
Will they be serving food at your party tomorrow night?
Tomorrow afternoon, and yes. But the Boss said I have to make a sandwich anyway.
Cindy, who do you think she is complaining about? Us, we were the ones who were making all that racket last night. Who do you think Dev is going to lecture? Latella?
Up her dosage to 200 proof.
To take with you? Or he wants you to eat something ahead of time?
It’s my understanding that alcohol is never served at these affairs, is that right?
Worse, I have to eat ahead of time and take a sandwich with me. the food there is not cheap.
No they don’t serve alcohol at this party….but you can take your own (which is what we are doing), and I have been to others where alcohol has been on sale.
Oh phooey! I always miss Mindy.
I have two pieces of toast in the morning and then I don’t eat all day before I go to a party. I would throw up from being OTK too many times. I actually have almost thrown up this is why i do this now. I drink water, ice tea and bring my own two bottles of beer. The food is free where I go. It is basically just snacks.
I don’t want to kill the old bat!
Ok.
Well then you think of sumtine. How bout taking her hearing aid away?
These spanking parties are complicated, logistically. …if I ever have one, there’ll be a sideboard buffet. I need a lot of food while I socialize. There can be beer and wine too, in moderation, but everybody has to drink out of glasses.
This is supposed to be classy.
Monocles are optional, though.
He brings the ale and i take the glasses…….ok mister?
Ok, you have a party and I’ll come to it. I prefer to drink my beer staight from the bottle because it goes flat quicker than I can drink it. But I drink wine from a glass. So that will be ok.
What kind of food should be served at a spanking party? And is formal dress optional? Is DRESS optional?
Where did I hear that spanking and alcohol don’t mix?
Formal dress!? What kind of parties do you have over there!!!?
Why, Tony took me to one party an I sat next to a guy wearing ONLY a cockring! How formal is that?
Most of us wear school uniform…even the sub males…although they usally wear gingham dresses.
The Tops genrally wear leather trousers and vests….or slacks and shirts.
Creative Casual, no denim or shorts. For ladies, skirts are preferred. To the knee, mind. We will measure.
Ok. That would be mean. How about jamming her frequency when we make too much noise?
Drunken Loutishness is verboten!
…leather trousers? Maybe I spend too much time in the tropics, but that sounds like it’d chafe something fierce.
Always.
It’s ok in moderation. You do not want to be drunk just relaxed.
Oh, god, I’d die. Why would someone wear just THAT?? How can you have a conversation with someone who is more than nude.
Was he a Top?
I always wear a blouse and skirt or a dress. Can I come to the party too?
You too, Jay!
Night, Jay. Have a good time tomorrow.
You know what I am doing? I am cleaning my teddy bear.
http://youtu.be/lI4YLg6Lyaw
I think I’d just as soon the person holding the cane be totally sober.
That’s acceptable.
Bottoms can drink all they want, but those in charge need to be totally in control, don’t you think?
That’s fair.
Eh. Moderation in all things, Top or Bottom. And social drinking is so classy.
Actually, some of the Tops at these parties need to have this procedure done to them.
Bottoms need to be in control of themselves too.
Good communication is key. No slurring.
And people will keep their clothes on, right? None of that, your know, that ring thing that Jay talked about, right?:
Ooh, the appetizer arrived. Delicious.
Can I just have some popcorn and a beer? I can only eat shrimp and filet of sole. I can eat lobster and crab but someone has to take it apart for me.
It’s too early for beer. At least wait until brunch.
I give up. I’m going to get a hot dog.
It’s only 0930!
I don’t want beer, you jack donkey! I want a bite of that SQUID!
Oh. Well, you can have that. There’s plenty for all. I have to eat it up quick before the main course arrives.
I thought you were going to have bacon and ketchup.
Holy crap
there are a million comments to read.
Did you girls remember to bring Ms. Latella a little something to knock her out, I mean help her sleep or were you all jacked up on candy and forgot? She really is a sweet old lady.
Make sure you read ALL of them.
I didn’t have any bacon thawed. All I had was pancetta. It’s not the same.